Light Globe #3

Session #1 with counsellor resulted in me writing an account of the incident referred to in Light Globe #1. This was to take the form of 'just writing', don't re-read it, review it, alter it, just write, when tempted to re-read etc, stop, walk away, go back when I needed to.

So I did. Sometimes in blocks of 2hrs, 2 minutes, 3hrs, 5 minutes etc. Pretty soon pages were filling with a handwriting I would not recognise as my own. Violent scribble, underlinings etc etc. Must have put hours and hours into it over the period. Found I was coming back to the book less, yesterday, Sunday was about day 7 I think, and I wrote nothing. The day before I wrote a cogniscent account of the incident, in context, with all the other **** that was going on in my life at that point (I think, coz I haven't re-read it, and maybe I never will). And I felt pretty cool about it.

Session #2 was today (Mon, Australian time). Many of the maelstrom of emotions that reared up on me prompting the first Light Globe post, have gone. Of the ones left, I am pretty sure I will be able to pick them off progressively, with a bit of guidance.

At the time of the incident, I was mightily distressed by a range of feelings as detailed in Light Globe #2. They all seemed to require attention, but I was incapable of sorting out what was what at that time as all emotions seemed equally important. So I dealt with NONE of them. (That was smart wasn't it ??) Anyway, some of them, like Anger have faded a bit with time, and the writing excercise has further dissapated that, to a manageable level. The sense of violation has likewise eased (in the context of what was happening at the time there were actually worse things going on. The incident was just 'the last one' in a long sequence). The Regret factor - which has many facets, is one of those things....what are you gunna do ? Its done, its over, and all the words in the world cannot change the past. There is a saying "Serenity can only be achieved when the past is accepted without resentment'. This is going to be a work in progress for me - I can get the 'accept the past' bit pretty readily, the 'without resentment' bit is more problematic. Not impossible, but will require more work for sure.

Therapist is suggesting a range of options from here (won't go into them as the reality of my situation has changed recently (forthe better I hasten to add)) so I intend to write about that separately to this.... the purpose of which is........

To sincerely thank all the people who posted comments and sent me msgs in the dark day after that sleeping dog bit me on the arse, back on Feb 17th (Geeez, it seems a bloody sight longer than that !!)

Thanks ep'ers. I got more to do, but back then, I had it ALL to do, and I'm on my way thanks to the motivation and help you all provided.



bazzar bazzar
56-60, M
3 Responses Mar 2, 2009

It is Oct 2010 now.<br />
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About a month ago, I had a flashback to "the incident".<br />
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It didn't hurt any more.

Give it your best shot! I believe that some personal introspect is good for the soul........getting it all out in the open and dealing with it. Too many folks drag around resentment and anger and don't even know where it comes from. The only down side is that some people start to analyse EVERYTHING in their psyche and don't actually live for the moment! Bravo to you for exploring possibilities of changing and growing in your life! All the best to you! I bet if I met you, we would hit it off, Bazzar! I like your candidness and humour!

Bazzar, what can I say?! In your usual way you have grasped the dragon by the tail andgiven it your best heave-ho!! You are right to say it will still be there - these things are circular - just when we think they are gone they rtend to re-occur.<br />
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But I'm confident your sensible approach through therapy and being proactive will lessen the impact of it next time it comes around . . <br />
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Sounds like you have a wise and helpful therapist, which is great. Always know that I (and many others on EP) have your back.