I Am Going to Try Something Different.


When I started reading the stories here, I was very surprised to discover that there are as many (if not more) women in this situation as men.  My wife and I used to have sex all the time. If she was in the mood all she had to do was show me a little skin (I’m a visual learner), give me a little touch, or just come out and say, “how about some tonight?”  The next thing I knew things started happening.  Even now, thirty years later, all she’d have to do is get naked and I’d be “ready, willing and able”.

Needless to say, she doesn’t do that anymore.  When I attempted to initiate sex, the rejections became more and more frequent.  I quit trying because the occasional romance wasn’t worth the many rejections.  It’s been over a year now.

I’m going to try a different approach.  I’m working out of the house today and here’s what I’m thinking:

1.   I’ll get everything cleaned up from the normal morning chaos (kids, breakfast, school, etc.) so she’ll come home to a clean house this evening.

2.   I’ll have dinner cooking; it needs to be something that smells good so she’ll notice.

3.  A bottle of her favorite wine chilling.

4.  Maybe I’ll start the dryer so it sounds like I’ve done laundry too.

5.  When she comes home, I’ll give her a hug (The hug idea came from here, it seems some touch may go a long way.), pour a glass of wine and tell her to chill, everything is under control.

If this doesn’t work, I’ll give up.

I will gladly take suggestions to increase the probability of success.  Thanks for reading this.


mrk1908 mrk1908
51-55, M
7 Responses Mar 2, 2009

Instead of making sex the point of the exercise, do all those things and then sit her down for a talk. You don't even know what the issues are. It could be medical, peri- or full menopause, it could be alot of things but you are not a mind reader. Yes I know you've been together a long time. YOU are a man. You can't help it. You don't know how we think, That's why you need to talk to her. And no matter what she says LISTEN. Don't be quick to explain, or deny, or refute. Listen. It didn't take one night to get to this point. It will take more than one night to get past it. Good luck!

kungfuchic knows how these things go and I agree.<BR>If they're not in "the mood" ... they resent us trying to "put them in the mood" and it can become mean and disasterous instead of loving and exciting. <BR>We can't change the other person nor can we entice them to want us as we want to be wanted.... <BR>Every relationship is different, as are people. If she seems like she can use some help when she comes home, do a little each day .. don't smother her with the cooking, cleaning, dinner, candlelites, etc..... she may or may not go with the flow.<BR>I suggest you stop trying to create the MOOD and just sit her down and listen to what really upsets her and how she needs help in order to be the loving, responsive sexual partner you desire.<BR>Blessings for a happy outcome.

Good Luck Pal. It didn't work for me.

There is one thing that consistently comes up and really rings true. You can not make anyone else happy, nor can you change anyone. With that said, you have the ability to change yourself. <br />
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I know in my own case, I did everything I could think of to make my husband feel loved and special every day. I only had control over me. I did because I was so madly in love with him and still am. But after a while, when love is not reciprocated, no intimacy, no sex, you feel beaten up. If you allow it to, it can take you into a full downward spiral. <br />
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It and anything else you can think of to save your marriage is worth a try. Once done, you will never look back and say, shoulda, woulda, coulda.

Sounds like a plan I hope it all comes together the way U want it 2 !!! GOODDDDDDD LUCKKKKKKKKK

lol at #4 :-) Good Luck.<br />
<br />
I have to tell you that my husband (the "refuser") does all those very often but he is still not interested in sex. And no matter what I do for him, still nada.

I wish you the VERY BUST OF LUCK with that..and I hope you aren't in a sexless marriage tomorrow..