What Am I Supposed to Do?

We've been married for almost 5 years, both of us are young (early 30's), however her sex drive is absolutely non-existent.  I don't want to leave, yet I am an incredibly sensual person, can never get enough, and it is driving me insane.  I don't want another relationship, but I need to satisfy the need somehow... am I the worst person in the world if I try to find a random f***buddy?  Its just for the sex, I have a lot to give and I feel like I'm wasting away... Help!

TallGuyMainLine TallGuyMainLine
31-35, M
7 Responses Mar 2, 2009

Tall Guy, please permit me to add my tuppence-halfpenny worth too. You will indeed waste away. A celibate marriage can only work with both partners in concurrence. Take a good long look at your situation and how you feel Now. if there's avenues you still haven't explored together then obviously you must do so Urgently. Otherwise, in another five years, I guarantee you, you will be climbing the walls. Finding an f/buddy as you put it is not ideal and not as easy as it may seem either. You are fortunate though that you have found EP. It is a very caring and supportive community and little miracles are possible too.

You are young and have not been married for long, you still have a chance with your wife imo. Try to work things out with her first, do your very best and focus on that for now. You can find a fkbuddy anytime but it's enough to break your wife's trust once for things never to be the same. <br />
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And if things don't work out and you don't have kids, make a clean break and move on.

I am , of course a strong believer that affairs can be the answer to a sexless marriage. When the marriage contract is broken and cannot be mended and if all financial and familial obligations are met satisfactorily. Then this behaviorfrom my perpective is acceptable. There are many who may disagree with this course on a moral basis and there is some validity in that. However, when sex and intimacy which I strongly feel is foundation of marriage is not there , it must be sought out else where.<br />
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This is not without risks but to take no action in this regard is to allow the years to pass in celibacy. <br />
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Things that cause this in a in marriage seldom improve but worsen and with the occasional dalliance will keep the marriage somewhat intact if that is the ultimate desire of the partners.

It seems like it would be easy to find that buddy you are referring to, but it is not. I have been sitting on the fence over this issue for over 6 months. I thought it would be easy, but every time I tell myself that I am going to do it, I think of the tears I will probably cry if I do. Plus, I would just be using someone else. Damn, what a dilemma.

Please explore other options before finding a f*buddy. You deserve to have a whole wife, not 1/2 of 2 women. Marriages need intimacy to survive and you need to be able to be emotionally naked with your spouse to share your deepest thoughts, hopes and fears. if you can't do that now, please consider therapy w/ a counselor or one of many books on same and try everything else first.

Join the group U will not B alone !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are wasting the best years of your life and would benefit from first taking a closer look at your relationship with your wife. How was sex before marriage; could there possibly be a medical problem; have you talked openly with her about your needs?<br />
Have you consulted a therapist and/or counselor? These would be better steps to take instead of that "F" Buddy you are dreaming about. If you never had an affair before, believe me it can be a killer, with guilt, and the possibility of being caught and having to deal with the other end of adultry. <br />
Better to get a hold of your present arrangement. We are supportive here and not judgemental and this is just my point of view from experience.<br />
These are the most difficult issues to face in a marriage because one wants and the other one doesn't.... if there can't be a compromise worked out, something is bound to give.<br />
Sending wishes for a healthy outcome.