I have been a member here, off and on since 09, and I would like to say things are better at home now than they were then, but I would be lying.
Some of you are in worse situations, and for that I am sorry. I have spent almost 22 years thinking sex will get better if I "only do this or do that" Its not b/c I don't wash the dishes, or help with the kids, or hundreds of other excuses. Its not b/c I'm a ****** lay or have a small *****, as I take that situation very seriously.
Its because that's how she is and we are incompatible in that regard. I have only two choices.....leave her, or step out occasionally to keep my sanity.
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4 Responses Aug 21, 2014

Your summary is quite correct. They are your options.
The anecdotal evidence in this group is that if you stay, you are going to remain miserable.
OTOH, there are no known examples of members who left their ILIASM shithole who have come back and said - "Gee I wish I was back in that ILIASM shithole".
That doesn't mean you should log off and immediately charge toward the exit.
But it DOES mean that this option is worthy of your deepest consideration at the very least.
Tread your own path.

Hard choices create a different experience in life.

If she really is not comparable any longer to you then a choice can be made.

The choice to get in to therapy for you and she for her and then marriage therapy if it gets that far.

If she does not sign up for the relationship tune up then the other choice of leaving the relationship may be best.

Sorry man. It's a tough ride. I was there at one time for to long at that!

I can infer that you're choosing The Dissonance Reduction Strategy. How's that going? Kinda like putting a band-aid on a broken arm, right? Sorry to see you come back and report things are so stagnant. Dissonance Reduction does that, it keeps you from getting fed-up enough to really fix it.

Very much like putting a band aid on yes.

It must be difficult. I've been 3 years & that feels a life time really. Good luck in your choices

The sick thing is, this group's got vocabulary for just about anything you might go through. For example, waiting for the kids to move out is referred to as The College Plan.

Beware, many ILIASM brethren have taken the Empty Nest as a significant event in the situation, either by marking that as time for exit or hoping that will be the turning point. It seldom works out that way.

It will only bring the issue to a head if you have the guts to do that. Have you seen a lawyer to learn about how a divorce would shake out for you? Are you beginning your exit steps or are you hoping that your marriage will magically change for the better?