Going Downhill

Have been married for 19 years, gradually all the fun is being squeezed out of it.

Have gone from sex every night and in the mornings to nothing, and am on the point of jacking it all in.  Keep thinking I cant get any lower and do.

After our second child was born ten years ago, could tell my wife was starting to lose interest, she started getting up about 6am, so the mornings were gone.  In the evenings the early nights started, when we had sex the lights had to be off, the pattern was always the same, started to get boring.  She didnt want anything different.  Sex outside the bedroom stopped, the 6am get ups became 5:30 get ups and the early nights got earlier.

A pot on her leg over new year didnt help, seemed like any excuse to avoid me.  Have talked about how I feel and she says "its not me its her" and wonders if she is having a midlife crisis, then because I say she is making me feel really bad has moved out of the bedroom "to help me".

Am I getting paranoid, she says she loves me but am I just being taken for a ride now, just the mug who pays for her to stay at home.

Can not believe how depressed I feel, because I have never been depressed about anything before.

Basically the plan is to give it a couple more months and then move on, trouble is I have twho children and love them to bits.


markw65 markw65
3 Responses Mar 3, 2009

Finally got to the bottom of what is going on after several heated arguments and visit to the doctors to discuss depression.<br />
<br />
Its a menopause thing, she didnt think it really affected me.<br />

Recognizing depression in yourself is major. Are you taking any RX to help you deal with this? I would strongly recommend being seen by your medical doctor to discuss.. Also, a good personal therapist to help you work things out and feel better. <br><br />
It is never an easy road when the relationship goes sour and there are children involved. Loving those children also gives you the responsibility to be as healthy as you possible can be for them. They are a wonderful motive to get better for.<br><br />
Your wife has been calling the shots in a passive aggressive way ... doing everything because it will be best for you ... if she cared about you she wouldn't be shutting down. Children do change a relationship, but the parent's love and devotion for each other should improve the family life for everyone. <br><br />
Thankfully you are acknowledging that your wife is withholding intimacy from you purposely. Whether there are medical hardships or not, intimacy continues throughout illness' ... and the desire to comfort the one who is ill is a sign of love.<br><br />
You are young and have a good life ahead of you,with or without this woman .. You need to examine your stance with your wife. She has pushed you into the corner and you have to get up and come out and set your family back on track one way or another.<br><br />
BTW -- Doesn't make it better when they say it's "them" , but they think that will take away their guilt<br />
Blessings Today.

My wife did that after the 3RD child !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!