Inspired by TheVerticalMan and Crave 15, from a woman's perspective.  Your words have been resonating with me since I read them earlier this afternoon.
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The sharing of thoughts and inspiration from other ILIASM members is helping me to learn about myself.  Thank you to everyone who chooses to share their stories.
SolitaireDiamond SolitaireDiamond
51-55, F
7 Responses Aug 22, 2014

I want HER (in the pic) to want me. Know who this woman is? I think I'm done looking as of now… yeah… that would be fun to have a female do that.

I would not only like to do that to my man (but he would run a mile, with a fast flowing list of excuses!), but I love dominant men, so if a man did this to me, my knees would go weak! ;o) Unfortunately, I don't know who the woman is. I've had this pic in my files as a download for ages, there was no indication of any credit to the photographer when I found it.

ROFL - thanks for the credit but that wisdom is Old Hat around here. Perhaps it hasn't been brought up for a while.

But you say those things so eloquently. The females… they see that. You are a marked man.

I wish I could heart this 100,000 times. And I'm seriously considering downloading that graphic and putting it where my refuser can see it.

I think it sums up everything about ILIASM.

SmartKat, you know better than that. This and what I call the SmartKat Hypothesis (If she loves you she'll **** you) render all the discussions with the refuser nothing but opportunities to get gaslighted.
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BTW: The male corollary to the SmartKat Hypothesis states "If he doesn't dislike you, he's trying to **** you". I call this the CreelUnion Corollary.

I'm thinking it might be more accurate to state the SmartKat Hypothesis as, "If she won't **** you, * she doesn't love you."


*if it's a woman you could reasonably expect sex from, i.e. wife or girlfriend. Random women probably won't, ha ha! And I mean, if she refuses consistently, not just occasionally.

Also - hookers will **** you, but they certainly don't love you.

Far be it for me to tell SmartKat how her hypothesis should be stated. But understand that classic logic does not require the hypothesis to be commutative.
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"If she Loves you, she'll **** you." doesn't imply "If she ***** you, She Loves you." Even a dirt eating potato head like me understands that.

Is it flawed?

It makes it sound like men aren't very selective. And if men aren't very selective - that means an individual woman might not be as special as she thinks she is.


That's why it's important to know - if a person ***** you he or she might not love you. That is true for both genders.


But I still say, if a woman will not **** a man, she doesn't love him. Especially in the context of a real relationship. Knowing how much sex means to most men - a woman who withholds it consistently does not care about that man's feelings. And IMHO, part of love is caring about the other person's feelings.

The corollary hypothesis simply sets the bar lower for men than women. Again neither of these hypotheses are commutative.

I am very selective. Sure, I may be drooling if she's hot… but, again - I don't think I'm getting fooled with any bait and switch nonsense any more! This thread is classic, btw.

Nerio, the SmartKat Hypothesis and all the related corollaries would point to that.
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At the risk of sounding crass (I'm concerned about that now?), ******* you would not be a chore. I assure you there are many men that would happily spend their vacation doing it.
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I have to assume something nefarious is afoot with your husband. Just sayin.

Maybe not - I tend to think mine likes me, but only as a friend.

You're welcome to download it Kat. I found the photo online quite a while ago, with no credit given for the photographer. I just Photoshopped it yesterday avo when I couldn't get those words out of my head.
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Don't put it where your refuser can see it. You know it won't make any difference babe, and that will be more upsetting for you *hugs*

7 More Responses

Yes, that's the way I live now, and that made it relatively easy to finally release myself from my sexless marriage. I deserve to be with a man who loves and sexually desires me, and that's exactly the kind of man who I am with now.

I'm adding this to my 95 theses of sexless marriage.

I have to say I love this. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing this. You led me to find out what you meant -- I think the post below (with comments) is what you meant? Either way, I liked this post.

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Live-In-A-Sexless-Marriage/4734287

Apologies, I should have referenced the story that got me thinking ... yes, you have the right one!