Testing the waters on dating and alternative romance sites to see what women think of me. Getting depressed not seeing any nibbles. My wife's voice keeps playing over and over in my head " you're lucky to have me because no one else will".

And yes, she actually said that to me 15+ years ago. It still haunts me.

Anyhow, the dating sites are so disappointing. Would be a great thrill to feel desired by a person of the opposite sex... Hell! I'd settle for the same sex at this point.
dynamic71 dynamic71
41-45, M
9 Responses Aug 22, 2014

I think the secret would be to be unmarried and looking.

I have been doing a lot of research myself as I expect to be outsourcing in about six months myself. Two places look promising. I have only glanced at Gleeden .com but initially it seems worth more research. The second and more promising site is OK Cupid. There are profiles and pictures of females from all over the US along with what they are seeking. Take a quick look.

Take a break, go away for the weekend to revive yourself.

Where are you from?

From northwest Ohio. Escaping means considerable travel, at least to places I enjoy, aka, Northern Michigan. As always, when I try to pull away, she freaks out, isolates me more, wont talk, etc. The summer of 2013 I took my boys to Canada for a fishing trip and covered the expense out of my side business funds. She didn't talk to me for about 6 weeks straight when I told her we were going, 6 months prior.

if i were you id sit her down and speak to her as a adult as if she was a child............and tell her look im going on vacation and if you want to sulk and act like a ***** and walk around and not talk to anyone! that is YOUR PROBLEM NOT MINE !! GOT IT???

that way at least you told her !!

and I would not play into her mind **** games!!

that's all it is mind **** games to make you feel bad! to control YOU!!

she is un happy and she wants same for YOU!

iv read here where a few of the refused guys here on e/p took back their power did less for their refuser! stood up to their refuser as the example i gave you above!

she doesn't want you to have a life!!

hell my refuser didn't even want me to have a job!!

even though we were penniless! and he was on verge of losing his house !!!!

so instead I got a job and moved out and now there he is begging the bank to let him stay in his house ha ha hA ha

Not a good idea

Dysfunctional marriage ***** with your head, gets you thinking weird *****, gets you making uninformed choices that feed back into the loop.
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* an example would be something that was said 15 years ago that still burns you to this day. And I'll bet that that is not the only instance of a cruel insensitive remark that you could nominate.
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Hard to bust out of the mindfuck a dysfunctional marriage inflicts on you. It insidiously seeps into every part of you.
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Tread your own path.

Bazaar, you have no idea. And, the truly ****** up part is that she won't either acknowledge she said those hurtful things or says I'm making **** up. I swear, I have to do a reality check once in a while because I sometimes doubt my own sanity.

For years I have had such vivid dreams of having an affair or falling in love with someone who cares for me deeply. Some of the affairs dreams seem so real, they are making me wonder months later if it really happened.

****! I'm losing my mind!

They always say your making **** up !!!!

My refuser always said I had theories !

You aren't losing your mind. Your unconscious is screaming that you need to get out of the toxic marriage and find happiness with a woman who loves you the way you long to be loved.

You won't find such a woman unless you leave your wife.

I disagree with Metta on your profile pic. You will certainly possibly avoid a particular type of woman with such a pic, but that may not be a bad thing.


There may be something to be said for having very broad appeal, but...... meh, I say show your personality. Someone will like it.


Definitely true that most women don't message men first. You've gotta be direct and proactive. Try sending out a few thoughtful messages that show you've really read what they've written. Be prepared for the whole thing to be an awful experience for awhile. It takes a bit to figure out how everything works, what sort of people you should be going after, etc.


Be up front about what you're looking for. If not specifically in your profile then definitely within the first few messages.

On pics, though, make sure to have one without sunglasses. Have one with a good full smile.

But generally, if you are "a biker" a bike pic is fine. If it's something you do once or twice a year, no bike pic. And so forth.

If you tell more about your discriptions and photographs, we probably could give you some tips about do-s and don'ts...
Metamama is right in hers...
Very small number of women on any site want just sex.. They want :full blown romance and partnership,money for sex,some nice romance (with sex)vif they are not saticfied in their marriage or sometimes they need a man to try *********(they usually clearly state it)...
Yes,photograps are very important-nice smiling portret and full length(no shorts,naked torso or other parts),better if someone else takes pictures.... Recently looked at AM pictures... It seems that 99% taken by mobile in the same bathroom of the same B&B and all the guys have towels wraped over their hips....

When I saw dating site selfies taken in bathrooms, I assumed the men had no class (bathroom picture!) and no friends to ask to take their picture.

Half naked pictures (even if the guy was good looking) meant that the guy just wanted to get laid by anyone but was too cheap to use a prostitute.

The pictures with trucks, motorcycles, dead fish -- man is a man's man, and isn't likely to be romantic, emotionally intimate or a good lover (since he doesn't have a clue about what attracts women.

The pictures that obviously had a woman cut out of it: The man is married, in a relationship or very recently split up and is too desperate, lazy or secretive (i.e. is in a relationship) to have a decent picture taken.

Pictures in which the man's face is indistinct or hidden: He's married.

The messages that were turn-offs not worth replying to were ones that were:

Generic. There was nothing in the message that indicated the man had read my profile or was interested in me personally. I assumed he probably had sent the same message to all women in his area.

Said nothing but, "Hi," or "How are you?" I assumed the man had paralyzing shyness or was boring or lazy.

Contained a bodypart or a sexual invitation: I knew the man was a vulgar idiot. While I was interested in meeting someone for a monogamous relationship that eventually included sex, I want the person to be someone who had shared values and whom I liked and who treated me with respect and kindness.

So funny!! And accurate! I recently joined OKC not really looking for anyone (a friend suggested it), guys with shirtless pics...ugh!! Never responded to them, whether they had a well thought out message or not. Guys with the one word introductions, were all incapable of holding an interesting conversation. Luckily, I never received a message from a guy exposing himself. The online dating world is an extremely odd place. Oh, and after a few days, I stopped responded to attorneys, but that's another story...lol. No offense to anyone here :)

I'll be honest, I'm not just looking for sex. Yes, sex is very important to me and will be a huge factor in my next relationship. More though, I want someone to share my life with, who shares my interests, passions and dreams. I want to come home and share my day dreams with a women who says hell yes, let's make it happen instead of someone who shoots them down as unrealistic, foolish or impossible. I like to dream big and work hard to realize those dreams. Otherwise what the **** am I living for? I don't want to be 80 years old wishing I would have done all the things I only dreamed about.

Either get busy living or start dying!

"Life's for the living, so live it or your better off dead!"~ Passenger

You'll have to get divorced to have the best chance of attracting the kind of relationship you want.

1 More Response

Stay away from Ashley Madison. Heard and read way too much about the site for a male to waste money there.

In general, men are the ones who contact women on dating sites. If you're on a site like Ashley Madison, there are far more men looking for affairs than legitimate women (i.e. not prostitutes!) looking for affairs.

If you are on a regular dating site and say you're married and looking for an affair, then it's not likely you'll get many nibbles. The same is true if there's any indication that you're married, including using a picture that doesn't show your face or that seems to have had another person (such as your wife) removed from it.

Also, if your profile picture here is what you're using on-line, it's not a pix that would appeal to women. In general, women are not attracted to pictures of men holding fish, guns, next to their trucks, etc. Those pictures may make men look admirable to other men, but they tend not to be pictures that attract women looking for dating, sex or romantic partners. I suppose that such pictures might attract women in hunter-gatherer cultures, however. ;)

Lol