Officially 2 years now sleeping in separate rooms his choice not mine. When I try and get intimate with him he pushes me away. At this point I'm no longer attracted to him but I still love him.
68bbw 68bbw
46-50, F
21 Responses Aug 22, 2014

After all that, the love will soon go also.......

I want to make my daughters old room my room, may as well. I don't want to even attempt anything anymore, no interest. YOU reach a point where it's just all gone. Guess he thinks I am a robot.

This tracked as the same stupid conversation by the same 3 people. have no self esteem if you stay with a dude who has no attraction To you given the track...Everyone knows your history....have the lies tapered off...he's not attracted too her because she's a don't even like to fk

Get your finances together find a nice girl get the go hell out of the nightmare.....happy married don't live this way

I live in Florida. Can I help?

It could be he is tired, not interested, has a testosterone problem he is not telling you about or does not know about. Maybe there is another woman, maybe the pressures of daily life are getting to him, maybe he is sick. The only way you can resolve this issue is to have a heart to heart talk. If he is unwilling to even have a heart to heart talk, suggest a marriage counselor, and if he refuses, you know your marriage is over and that you are staying in the marriage for the sake of the kids. You owe it to yourself to find a man to give you the intimacy and companionship you want and need.

sorry to hear. seems he isnt finding u attractive anymore.
i hope soon u dont turn out to be the other woman in his life.
Best wishes.
if u dont hv obligatios better leave him and find someone who will love u cherish u respect u n provide u with what u really deserve for.

Reading this text hurts.

Is he cheating possibly?

It is possible to not like someone, yet still be in love with them. Only you will know when that time has arrived and you'll be able to move on. It is hard to tell yourself that you are a good person and continue to feel good about yourself, when the person who should be your best friend & lover, shuts you out. I'd advise to not go out and cheat, as someone suggested, but finish one relationship before beginning another, otherwise, all you will get is more problems added to old ones. If you feel there is nothing else you can do to fix your marriage, seriously think about ending it. Life is short and should not be wasted away hoping things will turn around. At some point it ceases to be your problem and becomes his, don't try to force him into intimacy since being rejected is a real ego buster. We all have to look out for ourselves first, no one else is going to and we deserve to be the best friend to ourselves that there ever was.

Does he love you?

HIs actions demonstrate he does not love her the way she desires to be loved, and that's good reason for her to leave him.

It is very hard to give up on a person you love even if you are sure that person does not love you. I wish the lady good luck in what ever decision she make. I think 2 years is a long time to be alone in a relationship.

I assume you've spoken to him about this ad nauseum before posting? Had long heart to hearts and everything? But everything remains status quo? That gives you license to cheat on him. Go out, get your romance on. Enjoy another man and be enjoyed. That'll hopefully give you some joy while simultaneously waking him the @#$% up. Win, win.

Don't cheat. You'll still be in a bad marriage. Leave him and set yourself free to find someone who can love you the way you want and deserve.

Have you gained a lot of weight? Has the scent of your body changed? Is his disinterest physiological or psychological?

Add a response...

im going through the same thing he does then does not he admitted he moved on and demanded 10k for him to leave her and come back this has happened so much I'm now broke depressed he has my son and I'm now a cocaine addict due to his hurt and still i love him , please don't let it get this bad for you walk away before its way to late x

I'm sorry. I hope you find a way for you both to get into marriage counseling or you find a way to get out.

psame here. i love but not in love

I'm inexperienced with marriage...but this post makes me scared that I'll end up in a sexless marriage. Not sure how I would fix it. I'm not even sure it could be fixed...once the intimacy is gone, how do you restore it?

It seems that it is almost impossible to restore intimacy once it has gone from the relationship, especially when one person refuses to make love to the other one, or engage in any affectionate interactions. You're really young, and to be already worried about this is quite possibly a very good thing.
Some of us have been drawn into relationships not knowing that our partner/spouse is averse to sexual interactions. You soon find out that you need sex to ensure that you have a deep emotional connection, something that can sustain your relationship through all the ups and downs that life throws at you.
My advice would be to read lots of stories here in this group, and when you are dating, look out for the warning signs that some of us never saw, until they hit us upside the head ... and we realised suddenly and sadly, that we are in a sexless relationship. I wish you happiness :o)

More time in your dysfunctional marriage will solve that problem of you still loving him.
But there will be a price.
Your ongoing misery whilst that plays out.
And the erosion of any goodwill that might be present today, which will make it even harder to walk away from then.
Tread your own path.

Are you saying that your level of love has not diminished / changed over the years of his avoidant behaviour ?
(I still love my ex missus - we have been divorced for nearly 5 years - but in a way very different to what it once was)

In these uncertain situations, you can regard one thing as a fact if you are still in the dysfunctional situation. And that is, that it is not bad enough to leave. If it were, you'd have left.

I wondered if I was the only person in ILIASM that is in a relationship where there never was a beautiful sex-filled relationship, even in the beginning. It's just never even started to be a beautiful sex-filled relationship, but we are so close in so many other ways. I think it adds to the confusion Kitty ... my attraction to him physically and emotionally is very strong. I do believe he loves me in his own way, but it isn't ever going to be the deep emotional connection and a fulfilling sexual relationship. He's just not interested in making love to me.
I empathise with your situation.

Once you allow yourself to love yourself the way you deserve, you'll no longer love a man who treats you badly.

1 More Response

get in shape and show him what he's missing! Give him something to be excited about! he might return the favour and get into it with you :P

Your "advice" is uncalled for and offensive. If you are not living in a sexless marriage you are not qualified to comment.

How is getting in shape for your spouce offensive? I would tell him to do the same thing if he was on here.

Anyone is capable of giving advise . Point of EP is for open opinions . If you truly believe what you stated then I can say your not qualified to make any comments as your not a licensed therapist

Did you not read where it said "Please respond with authenticity, support, and respect"? He's effectively calling her fat and saying it's her fault that her husband won't have sex with her, without knowing anything about her situation or understanding the dynamics of a sexless marriage.

Why do you people even come here?

The only advice most unhappy people in unhappy marriages are that the person confessing is absolutely in the right and a victim and should just leave their spouse. I would rather both sides find away to love each other again. Fitness is a positive option that anyone can do for little to no money and can be a lot of fun and have wide ranges benefits, it's not about losing weight it's about adopting a healthier lifestyle together. She said she already is healthy so it's something that would be fun for them both to do as a team. It's not a solution it's a suggestion.


I am not a licensed therapist. However, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, so here's my authentic two cents. A couple of you are being a bit too snippy. You need to get laid.

:shakes head... WTF? Think. Does a fat person go to an obese trainer for insight on how to lose weight? Do you have to be a past heroin addict to discuss the benefits of not taking drugs with your children? Under your rules there is no "advice", only commiseration. Ergo, no one gets better. So, if someone was good at spicing up a relationship, but had not failed at theirs, should they not post here?

Just because I'm bbw doesn't mean I'm not in shape...I am more curves than muscle yes but I am attractive and have confidence in myself

fair enough! sorry didn't mean to say that you weren't in shape, just know a few people who got into fitness together and it turned everything around. Had something they worked at together, did something they always wanted to do.

Big beautiful woman I believe anything above a size 12 qualifies

Ha! I think anyone over a size 6 qualifies these days. I'm a BBW too, not completely happy with how I am, but I would never want to look like a "stick insect" ;o)

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It's very frustrating. I moved into the guest room about three months ago. About every three weeks or so I end up in the bed with my wife, usually date night. She doesn't seem to be bothered by this arrangement at all.

Funny thing is I've grown accustom to sleeping on my own again, now when I sleep in the same bed as my wife I sleep like crap.

too bad that u dont have a woman dying in ur arm.

I used to believe I couldn't fall asleep without my husband. It's been two years now since we've been in separate rooms. I sleep pretty soundly.

My wife threatens me that if i sleep in the "master bedroom", aka her bedroom, either (1) she will crash her car with her and my son in it due to loss of sleep or (2) she will move out to the couch (aka my bed) and still crash the car, as she could not get adequate sleep on the couch.

Either way I lose, and I end up sleeping on the couch.

Is it at least a comfortable couch? I'm fortunate to have a guest bedroom to sleep in.

Somewhat comfortable, but not a bed. We have a guest bedroom, but my son sleeps there a lot. So, couch for me most of the time.

Why stay with a woman who makes such cruel threats, sojourner?

Access to my son.

Have you talked to a lawyer about how custody could work?

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Trust me, you don't want to see what it's like when you pass 10 years of sleeping alone in imposed exile. Work out what you're going to do now.

I'm sorry to say, but it sounds as though your marriage is over. If there's no physical attraction between you, why keep it going? It's gonna hurt for a while, but you'll be in a much better place than where you are now.