Missing Him

my husband doesnt want sex anymore. we have been married 16 years. i still have a strong need. and have started looking for affairs online. they make me unhappy with myself but i still need the sex part too. so i am at a loss as to what to do.

patt patt
41-45
3 Responses Mar 4, 2009

hello I am so with you , I have been married now for 3years, to my second husband. My first husband of 33 yrs, was truely wonderful in bed.... but he lacked compassion. I found myself doing the same thing on the net. It gave me a boost of ego...for awhile. But I needed the real thing... a gentle touch. To which I thought... was more important. Oh boy! did I get that... thrown in.... no sex per say, for nearly all my new married life, he thinks he is to old now. what a crying shame.

Agree with "WorkinOnIt" ... it's been forty years since married. <br />
My husband had to be coerced into sex most of the time and I always had to pursue him ... and did, to get what I needed.<br />
Now at 61 he doesn't want to be touched, doesn't want me to be intimate and has no desire for me, to do it, the while thing.<br />
While this is his decision, when married, this affects me .. as your husband affects you. Have you considered personal therapy for yourself and/or couple counseling?<br />
The next best thing to do is NOTHING .... <br />
Try and fix your marriage becausei it is broken and won't bring any joy or connection like this.<br />
Just my opinion, but I hope you check out this topic for awhile and see how other people are handling this loss of intimacy.... Sexless is just a word for ..... LOSS

It's going to be twenty years for me in a few months (marriage, that is, not the drought!!). I'm working on my relationship, but I will not have an affair (not my thing) and I will not stay in a sexless marriage for much longer.<br />
<br />
The one thing NOT to do is to do nothing - that'll drive you crazy (ask me how I know).<br />
<br />
I'm assuming that you've discussed this with your husband, but I would suggest you insist on couples' counseling. If he won't go then go alone for yourself.<br />
<br />
I did get my wife to go (after an ultimatum) and we have made some progress. Not nearly enough, but at least I'm doing something. If things continue as they are, I will feel compelled to end my marriage (I really don't want to as I love my wife deeply and we are a great team in so many ways).<br />
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Hope this helps in some way...