Having An Affair = Committing Rape

 Affairs are not "victimless" crimes. Hear this from a perpetrator. I am guilty as charged. I had numerous affairs, and yes, I need to say this very clearly, "I raped my husband". I destroyed his sexual identify, I violently penetrated his deepest sense of trust, and destroyed his belief in all things good. It was important for me to fully and completely realize that I had raped him off any self esteem and decency he had. 

Now how many rapists have stood on the stand on said,

"she deserved it" - heck no, nobody does

"she made me do it" - heck no, I did it

"I was in such need", heck no, there is no need that can justify rape

"well it was a long time ago", heck no, time stands still, and it will still be like yesterday

I realized that as long as I did not understand the sheer magnitude of the injury I had perpetrated on my husband, I cannot go fix it. I would be walking around with an attitude of self-righteousness that I "deserved" the best things in life, and if his "small","little Asian","quickly ***********" **** could not satisfy this princess, she DESERVED to go find the best sex she can. Poor me, what else can a pretty woman to do.

Now when I looked at it from the viewpoint that I had raped my husband, I went about it fundamentally differently. It was my atonement to pour love into this battered soul, kiss his wounds away, and build him up to go into the daylight with me. It was my duty to open his eyes and make him feel proud of himself in the presence of other men. It was my moral responsibility to let him offer to the world everything he possibly can without feeling wounded or deprived.

Instead of licking my wounds, whining about the lack of big dic*s and vigorous intercourse, I took pleasure and pride in rebuilding a battered man and making him feel sexually powerful again - the best sex I have ever had is when that broken man felt confident and arose and took me a beautiful ******. 

So my dear sisters and brothers,

if you are considering an affair - remember you are planning a rape

if you are enjoying a thrilling affair - remember you are enjoying a rape

if you are trying to recover from an affair - remember you are trying to rebuild from a rape

If you are one that had the affair, pour your love, your body, your sex, your words out to wash your partner - he/she has been brutally raped

If your partner is the one that had the affair, remember you are a victim of rape, your suffering is long, your journey is painful, and home is so far away, and this is when, based on your partner's actions you decide if he/she is the right one for you.

clearasdaylight clearasdaylight
46-50, F
6 Responses Mar 4, 2009

please, don't misuse the word rape. what you did was wrong & damaging to him, but it wasn't rape.
p.s. why would marry him if you knew he wasn't good at sex? :S

I am not being judgemental. In fact, I think you are very brave and courageous to stand up here and lament for sin. However I think you are posting in the wrong forum. Have you tried the "I had an affair" forum?<br />
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I only say this because I don't see how your words of wisdom are helping any of us who are really in a sexless marriage. While you are free to post anywhere on the site you like, I think you might be more beneficial to those who have had extramarital affairs. <br />
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I wish you well.

While I understand what and why you're saying, sadly the misuse of the word rape is stopping many from perhaps seeing the real value of your words and experiences. Try editing it by replacing most of the words "rape" with violated.<br />
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That you're taking responsibility for what happened and are taking steps to fix it is admirable. Good luck.

Rape is defined as: <br />
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NOUN: <br />
1. The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse.<br />
2. The act of seizing and carrying off by force; abduction.<br />
3. Abusive or improper treatment; violation: a rape of justice. <br />
TRANSITIVE VERB: <br />
raped , rap•ing , rapes <br />
1. To force (another person) to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse; commit rape on.<br />
2. To seize and carry off by force.<br />
3. To plunder or pillage.<br />
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An affair is a violation of trust….not rape

You are of course most eloquent and obviously expressing your conquest of guilt after your dalliance. However to describe your affair as rape is a bit over the top. The word rape, which I I take umbrage with, is a a very strong word and misused here. <br />
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From my perception, you are using it as a terrible indictment of those many here who have , because of circumstances have taken this route as an escape from a sexless marriage. There are many here, including myself that have gone this route, some with valid reasons and some who have rationalized, but none to my knowledge ever raped anyone.<br />
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I am neither proud of my behavior nor am I ashamed of my actions. It was certainly not rape in any sense of the word and you have miss applied it in a most cavalierly manner in your comments .<br />
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You seem to have successfully regained control of your marriage and you should be applauded for that but you should be censured by some who think you are too smug, judgmental and superior in attitude with your comments here.<br />
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I do wish you both wel

If my husband would allow me to do all of that, I wouldn't be consisering an affair.