Cross Cultural Sex - What They Don't Tell You

 As many of you know by now, I am an "All American" woman (blonde, blue eyed, 5'10", killer body, champagne personality, and just damn smart). A kind of barbie doll of sorts. I am married to a Chinese American man, very asian in many ways, and hip in many other ways. Our fairy tale marriage became a nightmare on Elm street after 12 years. I had this unbelievable craving for hard bodied blonde guys that were well endowed and could last forever. I had affairs and almost destroyed my marriage and my family, but brought everything back to stability from the very brink. 

I am not stereotyping here, but cross cultural sex is just totally different. So if any of you ladies out there are in a cross cultural sexless marriage (of the Asian variety), here is what I found out. 

Asian men (I can only speak about Chinese here), are generally smaller than average in size, and last for a very small time before they *********. They are extremely sensual, and have very delicate bodies, and are extremely good at oral pleasures. They enjoy using toys, and other tools as part of the overall experience. Their propensity to continually lick and suck anything is just unmatched. They enjoy power plays and generally elaborate context and foreplay much much more than the average Caucasian. They enjoy kissing, though they are not well trained in the art of it. They are amazing learners, and enjoy being taught new tricks. God, I sound like I am describing a breed of puppy, but it is close enough. Asian men enjoy the cuddling after sex, and the real way to think about Asian men is to think of the way Caucasian men think of women - needing sensitivity, attention, appreciation. 

So the "wham bam thank you maam" bad naughty boy Caucasian stereotype will not play well with them. And ladies if you walk in with the attitude that it is "intercourse or bust", believe me it will "bust", and a very "fast" bust.

But you walk in with a view to seduce, and prolong the agony or pleasure, you will find the man to purr like a kitten. I knew nothing of this until I did the most agonizing thing - I sat down with his mother after all the affairs and poured my soul to her, and asked her "woman to woman" what worked culturally. After she forgave me for my straying, she sat down with me and laid it all out. It made a ton of sense to me. I found new ways of making my husband feel wonderful, and powerful. It has opened up the floodgates of my sexual life. 

But I think that those of you here who are in a cross cultural sexless situation, please be aware that you may need to change the pattern of how you engage. 

clearasdaylight clearasdaylight
46-50, F
2 Responses Mar 5, 2009

Lexi, my husband wasn't necessarily my physical type either, but the friendship and the fun we had won out. Although, I guess it's kind of ironic that I am the one trying to have sex with him. (I definitely build physical attraction over time).<br />
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Clearasdaylight - I think I kind of agree with you, here. I had a latino guy that didn't like to give oral sex. At the time it seemed to me it was something to do with the machismo thing, and that it made him feel like he was "serving" me. So I definitely think that might have been cultural.

Why did you marry him? I doubt his physical characteristics were unknown to you at that time.