Frustrated and Lonely Without...

Its been a good marriage and i try hard to place her mentally, emotinally and physically, and i dont ask for a lot....but i have become very frustrated and lonely waiting for her to show me affection....maybe its just me or am i to just go along with her not wanting to be touched or made love-to. Her idea of sex is once every 3 months but now is becoming 6 to 8 months....and its on her terms when she wants sex...i stopped asking for sex along time ago.

I am new to this site and see that i may not be alone....

pussum699 pussum699
56-60, M
8 Responses Mar 5, 2009

I agree with kungfuchic - in the end, we can only change ourselves (we CAN help our significant other change, but only if they want to).<br />
<br />
Make peace with yourself and give yourself the power to be strong and happy (I know - it isn't that simple, but we do make our own choices - choose to find happiness). When you have allowed yourself to find that strenght (which is already there, just hiding), THEN you can find the strength to love yourself and allow yourself to make the choices that will ultimately lead to your happiness...

All I can say is you can't change your wife, you can't make her libido change, you can make her want to have sex. You can only change yourself. Basically, what I am saying is you love her unconditionally, take down your own wall, learn to love yourself, find things that make you happy. If after all that, your wife sees your changes, but refuses still to work on her own issues, don't waste any more time in the relationship. Move on.

How much of the time do you not feel good because your wife won't allow physical contact and/or intercourse? In my case, almost every day.<br />
Why are these reluctant spouses allowed to call the shots as to when sex will be happening? It's better than the inevitable fights that follow when I try to call the shots.<br />
Have we convinced ourselves that we don't deserve the SEX in our marriage? Not me. <br />
Why are we punishing ourselves and giving our sexual withholders power over our sexual desires? In my case, it's a lack of funds to pay for a divorce otherwise I'd be out here.

What is your definition of GOOD MARRIAGE .....<br />
How much of the time do you not feel good because your wife won't allow physical contact and/or intercourse?<br />
Why are these reluctant spouses allowed to call the shots as to when sex will be happening?<br />
Have we convinced ourselves that we don't deserve the SEX in our marriage?<br />
Why are we punishing ourselves and giving our sexual withholders power over our sexual desires?<br />
<br />
I don't know all the answers, but these are points to consider and then want to change it ...<br />
Consider a therapist to help you understand your stance.<br />
Blessings Tonite

Anyone notice that this is one of the largest "experience" groups here? Anyone besides me getting the feeling that being in a sexless marriage is more the "norm" than not? If this is the new "norm" then we should celebrate it and at least get greeting cards or something... "sexless marriage day" ... "committed and a martyr day" ... now those are celebration days I can relate to

Sorry that you're in the same predicament that I'm in.<br />
<br />
james<br />
atlanta

Im sinking on the same boat,my wife avoids the issue no matter how I try to address it.Our marriage is all business and no pleasure!

You are NOT alone..and many women here have the same situation too..