SO So Sad

Been married a long time, I don't love her, she doesn't love me, and neither one cares.  I'm just doing the "for the kids" thing.

groovytunes groovytunes
41-45
5 Responses Mar 5, 2009

Okay, so all of you are right. even my 8 yr old son ask me once. 'daddy why don't you and mommy just get divorced and live in seperate houses." The truth is, I don't really know why I stay. There's a lot of wisdom I think in bazzar's comment. I need to think about what I want, but I don't want to be selfish either. I am mostly worried of losing a custody battle as I really need to be with my children. The man loses 99% of the time. She is hateful to them, but she loves them too, and they love her, and me also. My son is sometimes more an adult than anyone else in the house, Ouch to admit that. But my daughter who is autistic? She would not handle a divorce very well. <br />
I wait for some magical solution. If she was not so hateful maybe it would be better. I know there is no magical solution, I just don't know what to do.<br />
Thanks for your comments all, it makes me think and get honest with myself.

{hugs} <br />
Besides "for the kids", being in deep recession is also a reason why unhappy couples stay together...at least for a little longer. I saw some stats on TV about the number of divorces being drastically lower than usual. And of course it's not because people are happier.

Saw some guy on TV a while back saying "Kids would rather be FROM a broken home than BE IN a broken home". He seemed to have a few brains this guy, and some experience in the field of child welfare.<br />
<br />
Not long ago, a mate posed the question to me (about sticking around a dysfunctional marriage) and among other things I mentioned 'the kids' too. He thought this was **** funny, as the youngest of my kids is 21 !!!<br />
You can get your mind in a place where you think "I am staying because of X, Y, Z" and these reasons are 'for the good of others' 'the high moral ground' etc. At some point, you need to ask yourself some really hard questions and give yourself some honest answers. Sometimes the answers might be unpleasant "I am staying because I don't think I can do any better than the crap I've got" ( I hasten to add, this is an example, not what I think about your particular case). <br />
If you can acknowledge why you really are staying, that perception can be challenged EG "Actually, I am an ok person and could be doing waaaaay better than the crap I've got" And maybe start to move forward.<br />
Looks like you're stuck mate. Take a good hard look at why you think you are staying there. Your automatic response of 'the kids' may need challenging.<br />
Could have saved a lot of typing be just saying "what above two said" lol

Total agreement with "TouchMeNot"<br />
The lack of caring enough about the children and each other to make happier lives, borders on abusive.<br />
What pure everyday dread ... putting up with and dealing with ... and all in the name of the "kids" .... poor kids.<br />
Blessings for a good outcome<br />
Consider facing the music and coming out from under the guise of caring parents..... love yourselves first, and if that be separate from each other ... that's a revelation not to be ignored.

The kids thing seems to be the biggest cop out since the dawn of time. I don't know why the parents stay together unless they are trying to teach their children that being in a disfunctional, unfulfilled, meaningless relationship is the norm and expected of them when they mature. I would rather want to see my parents happy and well adjusted even if that meant that they took different spouses or lovers.