I Never Thought It Would Be This Way

Thank you to those of you who responded to my story. My husband is sweet, loving and kind. He works very hard to provide for our family (we have 2 kids)But when he comes home, we have dinner, he goes into the bedroom, lays down, watches sportcenter and he's out cold.  My husband doesn't screw around, he isn't mean to me, etc.. he just has no desire at all to have sex. He loves to cuddle with me,and he tries to at night but I push him away. I kind of feel like  why should he be satisfied if I'm not.  After 6 years of living like this I'm starting to crack. And I'M the idiot! I have the worlds BEST husband, he cooks, he cleans, he works his butt off for us, he doesn't smoke or drink, he's athletic, he is a fantastic father, and I am madly in love with him. We just have sex once a month. And I ALWAYS have to initiate it or it won't happen. We have talked about this over and over again he understands where I'm coming from. we have great chemistry, everything is there, except the sex. I have been the one to buy some new lingerie, "make the moves". I am just so tired. I want to be romanced and loved, but by my husband. Iknow I could easily find a guy at work, But I'm in love with my husband. I get looks when I go out with my girlfriends, I wish that my husband would act like that. But nobody knows how lonely I am. I can't let anyone know. My husband says he wishes he could have the desire to have sex. He holds me every night and he whispers in my ear begging me not to leave him because of this, because I am is world. I just don't know what to do. When your young and you dream about the man your going to marry you think, tall, good-looking, smart, funny, kind, loving. Well, I got all that, It's the sex part everybody forgets about.  And everyone thinks it's only men that get shunned in bed. If I try to initiate he kisses me and tells me that he's too tired, maybe tomorrow, but that never happens. After he takes a shower I try to take off his towel but he hates it when I try to  see him naked, even though I tell him over & over how sexy he is, he blushes like a school girl and wraps the towel around him never letting me see him naked. I just don't know what to do anymore. It not like he's bad in bed either, that he should worry about his "performance". and I tell him that all the time, he's got it all, except desire. He said he was always like this. Anybody got any advice? 
ohmydarling ohmydarling
31-35, F
6 Responses Aug 15, 2007

I am so jelous of you. The fact that you handle this so well. My boyfriend is the same way, does everything for me because he does not work. Even takes care of my children. But he doesnt apologize, he doesnt feel bad, and when I cry he leaves the room. I cant talk to him about it ever. I hope you figure something out. I am praying for you both.

No offense, however I don't think you exactly live in a sexless marriage. I would so happy for once a month, even every other month. It has been almost a year and a half.<br />
My husband avoids cuddling and to get a kiss takes some work and then that is little pecks, not deep loving kisses.<br />
So I really have no advise.

Strange one this but not unusual....is he gay?...sounds like it!....Man will get erection to that kind of offer even if he was dead unless women don't turn him on....soory for being so blunt but i don't do easy...you got all my sympathy & wish you the best.

you could try scheduleing if your husband is willing. the embarressment over nudity suggests rigid upbringing or possible repressed homosexuality [bare minimum probablity] good luck

does he get a morning erection? will he use toys with you? has his free testosterone level been checked?<br />
you are not quite sexless. asexual marriage is less then 10 times a year. <br />
please forgive the graphic nature of the next suggestions. when he cuddles you you might be able to take care of yourself in his embrace. it does not sound like out-right hostility. i think you have more hope then most of us

Has he seen a doctor? Is Viagra an option, sometimes men are ashamed to admit they need a little help. Good luck.