I Want a Divorce...

Hi everyone,

My husband and I have been married for 7 years.  For the first 2 years we had great sex.  But then he was deployed.  I do not know what happened while he was over there, but he came back with no interest in me at all.  We ended up having sex after a while and I got pregnant in 2006.  During my pregnancy, he was not interested in sex with me at all, continuously saying that it would affect the baby.  We started drifting away from each other.  We stopped kissing and the rest is history.

The next time we had sex after that was October 2007.  It was extremely horrible.  There was no emotional connection.  There was no foreplay, all he did as jump on top of me and that was it.  It happened twice in October of that year.  We haven't had sex since.

I have tried talking to him about this.  One time he walked out of the room while I was talking and closed the door.  Another time he said "you and the sex talk" and walked away.  We have absolutely no intimacy. 

Currently, we are still living together but we are not doing anything special.  At this time, I find myself not liking him anymore.  I have thouht about trying to find someone just for sex because I am lacking.  But I don't think this is a good idea.  I want to leave this situation behind.  I am only 30years old and feel as though I am in the prime of my life.  He wants me to stick around because he wants to see our daughter every day.  But he fails to see what no sex is doing to me.  Besides the sex problem we have had other situations that makes the marriage doomed.  I refuse to work on it anymore and I feel he is doing the same. 

I feel like I am stick.  Does anyone have advice?



Grenada Grenada
8 Responses Mar 6, 2009

There is nothing wrong with you ... believe that first<br><br />
Wanting intimacy and touch is an expected part of marriage.<br><br />
I know what you mean by the economy keeping your senses together for financial concerns. I have been married a lot longer .. 40 ... and still dealing with the issues you described along with being degraded for my "sex talk" when I try to bring us into the 21st century ... he doesn't want to talk and puts it off because he really doesn't want to change .. he wants me to change .. and then everything will be better and we can go along our merry way until ... when???<br><br />
You re young ... please get some counseling for yourself.<br><br />
Know that you are not asking for something that you shouldn't ... the loving touch of a person who loves us and we love them .. the magic of two people blending into one spirit and body.<br><br />
Blessings Tonight

I hope you find a way out of this mess... you're daughter is in the eye of the storm.<br />
<br />
I think it is not uncommon for people to come back from war changed people... if he won't work on getting back to the guy you fell in love with, then you're really going to have to leave him to go his own way.<br />
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He need to understand that his daughter deserves to have that guy back too. He needs to seek help with the burden that he is carrying.

Divorce is very hard and these economic times make it hrder. But you owe it to yourself to go ahead. Staying with him will bring no happiness to either of you and your daughter deserves to grow up in a happy home.<br />
<br />
I wish you all the best.

Thanks for all of your comments. What I want to say is that I have left him for 4 months. i was staying with a friend who is also his cousin. He came to her house for the holidays and said that he wants me to come back because he wants to be there for our daughter. Needless to say, I kind of thought he wanted to work on the marriage again. I wa sooo wrong. Now I am back and nothing has changed. I find myself staying ot only for my daughter but because the economy is bad and I have not worked for almost 3 years. I really do feel stuck . I really do want a divorce. This relationship is not going anywhere.

If you two are not communicating and he won't talk about what the problem is,,,,then I see only the door for one of you,,,,I could not live with someone that has no connection on any leval,,,there is nothing to stand on,,,just tell him you want a devorse and be friends,,,and try to have nice things to say about him,,,if you part don't hate love still and share your child with him,,,don't be vandictive toward him in any way,,,This is coming from my heart to you,,,,love no matter what the matter is,,,,,Love can be the answer to everything that is wrong with all of us,,,Just LOve no matter what the matter is,,,,If you are not happy then do something to make it better for you and your husbend and child,,,,remmber you will always be apart of him,,,because of the child,,,Just LOV no matter what the matter is,,,,You can leave if that is what you think is best for you and the child and your husbend, Think about all three of you please,and,,,,Just LOVE no matter what the matter is,,,,LOve and Light make everything alright....

All I can say here is the best of luck 2 U in what ever U do !!!!

Hey there,<br />
<br />
I can identify so much with you. I litterally feel your pain. I am in the same situation with my wife. Im a the same point you are at, I feel nothing for her, I do not even desire her anymore.<br />
<br />
I thought, and thought about this. I know we need to divorce, but its hard to even think that, with kids involved too, it makes it even harder. I know I need to do this for myself, as much as it pains me, I need to do it.<br />
<br />
have you thougth of divorce at all? You are right you are 30, your in the prime of your life. There is a man out there that is more suitable for you. I think you owe it to yourself to find someone who will make you feel special and make you feel the way you need to be loved.<br />
<br />

Yes, take your little girl and run like hell!<br />
<br />
Leaving will either be the best thing you can do for yourself or it will save the marriage. Sometimes leaving, makes the other person realize what they have lost. Don't threaten anymore. Tell him he either recommits to your marriage within the next 30 days or you are gone to go see a lawyer. Be ready to stick to it!