This pretty much says it all about sex with someone who doesn't want you the way you want them, reset sex, etc, etc ad infinitum on the refused and refuser dynamic.
I would prefer to be energised!
SolitaireDiamond SolitaireDiamond
51-55, F
7 Responses Aug 27, 2014

good observation

I've been thinking about this. While on the surface it sums up pretty much what we all know to be true - ad infinitum as you say. But think about it a little deeper for one second. There are many things we do in life that we don't want to do. Many things we do for our spouses and kids we don't really want to do. If you take the approach that you ARE doing something for someone else --- BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM --- then it immediately removes the duty aspect out of the equation.
I drive my kids all over kingdom come -- it is a duty I have...but I do it BECAUSE I love them. It is not always easy, but there are days when its easier and days when its something I have to do. I think when my wife and I were 'in sync' as we call it - she still viewed sex as a duty, but she was there and even into it because she loved me, and she knew it was important to me. When we are not in sync, I can tell. Her words and actions say "this is just a duty". I think the end result is that it *is* depleting...which compounds the situation because frankly who wants to do something that is depleting?

I can so totally relate to this, you are absolutely right. Being neglected and unwanted really messes with you. I've suffered with this for many years.

When you think about all the implications of this, it's sad. Is there ever such a thing as a *pleasant* truth?

so sex is gone in partnership, after years of being together I crave hooking up again with someone special, that intimacy between each other a touch, closeness, the pressure of sex I miss.

Tman's Top 10 ways of spotting a "Low Libido" person had a specific item about this:- the refuser views sex as draining, energy depleting.

And the corollary of "doing something out of love will energize you", is of course our homage to Ron McD's:

"Your spouse doesn't love you, and probably never did".

It is my observation in this group that people who stay in their dysfunctional marriages for reasons of "love" are depleted by the experience, not energised.
Tread your own path.