I finally had a long talk with my wife about our sexless mariage after 8 long years. We were able to be civel and I simply told her that being married to her was very lonely. Next day she came up with this idea that we should start "sleeping" (we have separate bedrooms) together. I told he "NO" because I know I would feel very uncomfortable. I have grown very accustomed to sleeping by myself and would consider it an intrusion into what few perks i have left. When I told he NO she called me a chickenshit. I find that so ironic since she is the one 8 years ago who wanted separate beds with no sex. I am not sure how this will end but I know now that it is in the open, I feel like i can work toward finding a solution. I would prefer to divorce, take my daughter(12) with me but I am hesitant because od my daughter. I think she would understand because her relationship with her Mother is starined most of the time. Finances are another big issue right now. But anyway my side of the story has been told to my wife, I am going into Counseling next week and I will work hard to come up with a solution that is the least traumatic for my daughter.

discretejones discretejones
4 Responses Mar 7, 2009

Have you read the articles about all the recently divorced couples that have to continue living in the house together because they can't sell in this market?<br />
Just something to think about.

Mate, I 'sort of' know where you are coming from in some ways. I think. <BR>In my situation - for assorted reasons my wifes libido vanished - yet, her unempathetic (if thats a word) behaviour killed my desire for her, so in some ways, I was the 'with holder' as much as her when I thought about it. <BR>I wonder, is there a spark still burning there somewhere for her ? Her idea may not have been couched in very empathetic terms, but maybe thats the best she can do at this point.<BR>I ain't you, and I'm not there either, but there is something coming thru in your story that suggests there could be something still there !!<BR>Personally, I think that its the empathy from each party that dwindles first, then the sex stops pretty soon after, the "helpful" remarks like calling people chickenshit help a lot of course !!!! lol and no doubt had you very keen to rush back to the marital bed !!!!!<BR>Mate, wonder if you could engineer a scenario where the offer came up again - and resolve to have a crack at it. Would you have that much to lose really ??? And it "might" fire something up.<BR>Depends on where you are at the moment I guess, just might be one of those cases where if you got the physical contact happening again, maybe empathy etc might follow and then.......potentially, some connected empathetic sharing caring great sex ! Wouldn't hurt to think about it mate.

Sleeping with someone else can be uncomfortable, but a lack of sex is more uncomfortable. Isn't there room to compromise on the sleeping arrangements (e.g., 1 night per week on a trial basis, etc.)? Of course, it is a different issue if you truly want to end the marriage... I hope that you find the counseling to be helpful.

I have been in a sexless marriage for more than 10 years. I refuse to leave the marital bed. He can if he wants to but I am not prepared to live that way. I feel sad for you because I know what you are going through. I found out about this website through an article in the newspaper. It said there are about 20 millions sexless marriages in the U.S. That makes 40 million people ... that's alot! It made me feel better to know I was not alone. I applaud your efforts to seek counsel. I think I need to do that. In the mean time, I will try to share thoughts with folks that appear to be in the same situation and see if that is cathartic. Sounds like you deserve more.