I Never Thought It Would Happen to Me

I have been married for 27 years.  We have two incredible daughters, a beautiful home, great jobs and lots of friends.  The one flaw in my life appears to be my marriage.  My husband spends as little time as possible at home.  He leaves at 5:30AM and gets home after 7PM.  When he comes in, he generally has little if anything to say, opens the mail and then goes upstairs to watch TV.  On the weekends, he spends time with his mother and siblings.  He has mastered the damaging silence that is the silent killer of many relationships.  He will not sleep under the sheets for fear of touching my body during the night.  He will not go anywhere with me alone, only with other people.  When we go to parties or gatherings, he leaves to speak to others and barely acknowledges my existence.  He has not told me I look nice for at least a decade, nor has he touched me.   I have talked to our parish priest about it and he is saddened and frankly appalled.  If you knew me, I believe you would be surprised this is happening to me.   This is serving to make me depressed.  My daugther's boyfriend is delighful and completely in love with her.  He is romantic and thoughtful and would never want to hurt her.  I am drawn to the romance of their relationship as I have none in my own.  I feel pathetic.  It seems this relationship is all but over, except for the dividing of the assets.  Is anyone else out there struggling with this? 

ideservelove ideservelove
51-55, F
4 Responses Mar 8, 2009

It's getting to the point where I am begining to doubt there are any fun, happy, sexual marriages.<br />
Maybe it's a natural process like death.<br />
You the the "Kubler Ross" death and dying scenario.<br />
You go through the various stages and then accept it.<br />
If your daughter marries, let's see what happens in 20 years.

I know exactly what you mean about being attracted to the romance of someone else's relationship. I think this what finally stirred me out of my apathy.<br />
<br />
Last year I made contact with a childhod friend I hadn't seen for 40 years. He was my first boyfriend! We took on a project together (a Reunion) that has kept us in constant touch for the last year.<br />
<br />
He is a "people" person like me and we have rediscoverd a great friendship - but NOT a romance.<br />
<br />
It is his relationship with his wife that inspired me by their romance. He is devoted to her - and she to him. He takes every opportunity to do things for her and with her.<br />
<br />
It is beautiful to see, and aroused such a longing in me for the same that I finally started to address my own issues.<br />
<br />
So please don't feel bad about it - just is just a catalyst that makes us take action.<br />
<br />
Wishing you well.

What is your parish priest doing about this problem for you? Obviously something, some kind of wall came up between you and your husband... your parish priest ought to be telling your husband he needs to do something about this wall... your DH needs to do his part to remove whatever it is that came between him and you.... so what is your PP going to do except be saddened.<br />
<br />
It seems as if your sexlessness is coming from some other problem, and not just that of sex drive.<br />
<br />
best wishes,<br />
james<br />
atlanta

I know what you're going through and I'm so sad for you. You see, I have the same problem being the forever loving, caring husband who always saw to his wifes pleasures before my own. Even in sex it was always her pleasure that came first then my own if it was still available to me. Until one day I woke up to realise that I was puttong everything in and only getting out if it was her pleasure.Since then I decided I wasn't going to cross to that side of the bridge again. Rather, she would have to visit my side for a change and geuss what,,,? Yep, nothing. After a lifetime (32 years) of giving with no response, or caring or returned affection. I find myself wishing she would find someone else as I don't have the courage to disolve our lives together.<br />
I really hope you fond a way out of your situation and someone to show you the love you so desire. We are ALL due a litte love and it's so missed when it's not there.<br />
Richard.