Surely Im Too Young to Be So Unhappy...

hi im a 20 year old student nurse and would regard myself as a good person with high expectations for my future but im stuck in an abusive relationship, everyone i know tells me to leave but my own insecurities are stopping me, i really need help.. im always being manipulated and verbally abused and then he makes it up to me just for it all to start again..

its like he gets a buzz out of puttin me down to build himself up but i feel like noone else has time for me, my friends ahve drifted away from me and because of my busy life style i dont know who i am i feel totally lost in this world and have often thought of just ending it all.

i love helpin people but i cant help mysely i often feel worthless and my family aren really around for support,

ive tried anti depressents and we broke up three times in three months and each time he came crawling back telling me he loves me and needs me and now things have gotten worse. for example last night he was tellin me how much he hated the gift i bought him for christmas because it wasnt the model thaat he wanted and he purposly went out that night and broke it just to prove a point that its his way or no way..

he abuses his mother and grew up with an abusive father he always tells me how much he never wants to turn out like him but it seems like he is anyway...

 i love him so much i really do and i know deep down however that it prob wont last forever but why cant i just leave?? i dont know i need some support please cause i feel like im drowning bein pulled down into a black hole...

ladyhaha ladyhaha
7 Responses Mar 8, 2009

friend of promise and enna have given you some sound advice. You have a lifetime ahead of you to find the true happiness that you deserve from life. BUT! as long as you stay with him, you will slowly become addicted to his controlling ways. <br />
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You have already stated that he is abusive to his own Mother and now he's doing that same abuse to you. His abusiveness toward women was reinforced by his training from his Father. He thrives on that abuse. He will never be happy unless he can control you and soon his abuse will turn to become physical.<br />
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Seek the help of your school counselor or one of your instructors. They should be fully aware of how to help you. After finding the help you need, break it off with him and run, don't walk to the nearest Police station and swear of a restraint order. Tell them about your fear of how explosive he has become. The fact that he destroyed his present shows that he is capable of hurting you.<br />
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Contact your family and friends telling them what you have done about ridding yourself of him and ask their help. If they really care about you they will ralley to your side.<br />
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Let me know how things are going. And remember that you are starting to seek help just by talking to others here on EP about your situation.

The longest journey starts with the first step. I've been in that pit and it is a long and hard trip to get out. Unfortunately I couldn't do it for myself. I got pregnant and realized I didn't want my daughter to grow up thinking that this was how a woman should be treated.<br />
You say you are a student nurse. There must be some form of councelling available for you through your training institute. Find someone to talk to. Maybe someone who has been a nurse for a while. If you can't do it for yourself do it for your future children. <br />
This man is a habitual abuser. There is no hope for this relationship. Repeat that to yourself all day every day, and get some help. Once you are out your friends will probably start to rally around you again. Right now they can't help you because you won't help yourself and they can't bear to watch.<br />
Best of luck. <br />
Email me. I'll talk to you as much as you like.

Great thoughts and advice Enna.<br />
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Girl, you have got to seek help in getting away from this man. He is toxic and will just keep sucking you down the black hole. <br />
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You will lose yourself, all of you and you are too young to be doing this. Once you are away from him, you will eventually start to feel whole again. Please run, run like hell. Abusers only become worse abusers.

The thing that is making you stay is fear - not fear of him necessarily (altho' it sounds like you have good reason to fear him) but fear of being alone, fear of hurting him, fear of being without a partner, fear of being a failure.<br />
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A good counsellor can help you lose some of that fear and stand on your own two feet.<br />
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One reason you feel alone is that, after awhile, friends and family sort of "give up" on you if you insist on repeating the same patterns of self destructive behaviour.<br />
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The only person that can change you is YOU - if you just want support from people but don't DO anything about your situation, they will feel useless to help. That's when people drift away from you.<br />
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The sad part is that the more isolated and alone you are, the more you cling to this toxic relationship.<br />
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So, please, recognise that you have a whole BEAUTIFUL and HAPPY life out there waiting for you. Get some help to access it, please.<br />
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Good luck.

i know i should but its like something makes me stay i wonder sometimes if there is something wrong with my brain!!!

I need some Professional Help NOW !!!!!!!!!!

I don't care what you need to do to accomplish this, but get away from him.. run, run run!