FORCED Celibates

That's what many of us are... we want to have a sex life, and as a married person it is our right!


Our spouses have no right to take that away from us... they need not merge their lives to ours and then leave us to swing in the wind of sexual frustration.




51-55, M
19 Responses Mar 8, 2009

I will check it out Dorothyof Oz !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PPL - will you look at this comment on a story I wrote in Married but Lonely (this is the address for the story: <a href="" target="ep_blank"></a>)<br />
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I responded back, but now I am sitting here beating myself up and doubting everything.<br />
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You are responding to my comment aren't you , otherwise, I feel kind of silly - good thing I can laugh at myself - lol!

I agree JRSK... I think that goes for anything a spouse neglects in a marriage, not only sex... I for one married a man and he became someone else down the road... I think it's a very selfish move to deprive your partner of anything... talk about a bait and switch...

And U have a right 2 want it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to give my 2 cents worth here - let me introduce myself - I am the DENIER in the relationship (although, read my story "Not Anymore"). When I got married - God, I couldn't wait to have sex all the time and be wild and adventureous with my spouse and I saw myself as very interested in the sexual part of our marriage! Then reality slapped me in the face and hard! My marriage has not been what I thought it would be and it was not good almost from the start. When we had sex (and it didn't feel like making love) the first year we were married, I would roll over afterwards and silently cry - I felt EMPTY and used. You see, I don't think my husband likes me let alone loves me - (and I am a likeable kinda gal most of the time) and we are not friends and never have been (as much as I wanted us to) - he admittedly is not the same man that I dated and he blames me for that - saying I made him be different than he really was - yeah, right! Anyway, long story short - I cried and still do because it is not about love to me and it feels like it wouldn't matter if it was specifically me that he was having sex with. And I think women, in particular, would at least like to feel that you are having sex with them because it is them - not anyone else. Now, I know there are some spouses that deny for other reasons that aren't too fair or are signs of some underlying issue that they need to look into; but I KNOW that when I have felt loved and cherished - I am basically a nympho! (LOL) I like sex, I do - but I have to have some of that emotion and specialness that goes into it.

I figured that was the case with you.<br />
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God, my husband has no idea how lucky he could be - and I am truly not that difficult to please (I was going to say easy - but thought better of it ...).

Yeah for me... sex (lack of sex drive of my wife) is the problem.

For me, it is a symptom; but I am thinking that too might vary from couple to couple.<br />
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There are some happily married couples BESIDES the sex issue - that is not me - for them, I think sex IS the problem and then causes other problems such as resentment and anger; for me it is vice versa!

Well which is it then?<br />
1. They dont want to do it, and also dont care about the other<br />
2. They dont feel like doing it, and are clueless of the hurt, even when spoken? <br />
3. They are holding back, just to hurt the other<br />
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I dont know. DIfferent times it feels like diff reasons, but the end result is the same.<br />
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In all our cases, is sex the only issue or is that a symptom?

Like you said... we all do things we don't feel like doing for the pleasure of someone we care about... we are givers.

I'm not totally unsympathetic toward our sex averse spouses... It's really hard to make yourself do something you really don't want to do. But, to be honest, I've done a lot of things I didn't feel like doing to avoid hurting someone I cared about. In fact I've done a lot of things I didn't feel like doing to avoid hurting people I barely knew.<br />
There are a lot of factors involved, but when you are on the receiving end of nothing, they don't really matter all that much.

I think the answer must lie within our sex averse spouses... what happened to them that turned them off of sex. Or what happened to them for not be naturally giving.

But Why? How? What caused it to get to this level??

very well put....The comments though sparse in detail say more than ANY 5 page article.

Lack of sex can cause meandering, Richard.

Firstly, I don't think we shoud just Take What Is Our Due. Yes some of us do but isn't it a shame when we should have to do that. Then, what does the "spouse" have to say about it.? Can any of us really say how we would put up with having to give sex when we don't really want to.? As a husband, I have spent mnay hours wondering how it would feel to HAVE to do that and, again, many hours thinking how lovely it woujld be if I was encouraged to speng OUR love together. No, I'm not a happily married man anymore and romance has flown out the window. It wasn't around long anyway. I am no longe prepared to make advances to someone who doesn't share my love or shows no care in our relationship. Sorry to sound so negative and also sorry to have strayed from the topic. I seem to meander at times.<BR>Richard

You took the words right out of my mouth James. I have often told friends acquaintances here that I am celibate by marriage. I too, plan on leaving. I'm too old to waste what time I have in this world.<br />
Dan <br />
Salt Lake

So much feeling into such few words<br />
This is the result of disappointment and missed opportunities to be one with our spouses.<br />
And this is how they want to live their lives<br />
We have a choice .. stay or leave<br />
I think I am leaving

Very well said !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!