I posted about a week ago my sexless experience. .my partner and I have zero sex and it doesn't appear as though it is going to change any time soon as he has now told me I just need to outsource if I want sex. Wow that was yet another beating to my already diminished self-esteem. He would rather another man sweating on top of me than make an effort to change himself. I am ready to leave I just need the courage and I can't seem to find it!
coffeedrop83 coffeedrop83
31-35, F
8 Responses Sep 1, 2014

He is basically telling you to leave. There is nothing to stay for… why would someone who is supposed to love you tell you that?

Thank you all so much for your considerate words of advice. I guess it's just the hope that things will get better but they never do. They just don't get it do they? (the with holders) ,what they are doing to our self-esteem..it's not fair

I cane to EP looking for ways to hopefully fix my sexless marriage. Not finding any success stories, however have found the courage to begin the process of getting out

Take the "honest words" and run! My STBX has been giving me false hope for years

i left my guy and he wanted it only once a month. we set our own standards. get outta there and go find someone new who'd do you to your heart's desire/content.

Yep, time to walk away. The only way my h was able to keep me around for so long, was because always made the outlook for change *seem* promising. Had he told me it was OK to outsource I would have been done with my marriage SO long ago. Don't waste your youth on this guy. You deserve so much better.

He can't change himself. He's either asexual or getting what he needs elsewhere.

He's asked you to become an asexual and when that didn't work he's fine with you STD'ing yourself up with random sex. Guess what. He is NEVER going to touch you again. He's safe from whatever cooties you may bring home. Plus if you do go that route he can blame the eventual breakup on your cheating heart. He's golden.

Love yourself and stop accepting the abuse of indifference.

You're still young. Get out. Run far away. Don't let family and friends try to convince you it's recoverable if you both "just work at it". If they make the attempt, ask them how much counseling it would take to change their sexual polarity.

Now there's a good insight into the murky world of a refusers brain.
He thinks so little about sex, and its' place in an adult relationship that he -
(a) - thinks it doesn't matter to him
(b) - therefore it shouldn't matter to you, you only 'think' it does
(c) - that outsourcing it is risk free to him.
I am imagining a scenario where you DO outsource, and get a really good rogering.
That, will bring in to very clear focus what a shithole your primary relationship is.
THERE, is your spouses *risk*.
That, plus his avoidant behaviour and attitude is his further risk, and it seems pretty obvious that he ought be preparing to be single in the not too distant future.
As should you.
Tread your own path.