I'm having a hard time not being a smart ***. Hubby said "hand me my tool" I said " I thought I wasn't allowed to touch your tool" he rolled his eyes. I find I do this several times a week. I know it's not helpful and is actually hurtful but I'm so angry!!

I don't sleep much anymore and was laying in bed this morning listening to him breath and getting more irritated. I came up with this idea. I'm getting a safety deposit box and moving all important documents to it. I have already opened a bank account he does not know about yet. I got a PO box and had my mail moved. I am going to give myself time to go through the house and give away things I don't want to move. Thing I know I must have I may try to move to a storage unit. I'll just tell him I sold it. That way the day I walk out the door I only need to grab a few things. I need to use my head more and stop being so emotional. Any other ideas?
Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels
46-50, F
17 Responses Sep 1, 2014

I've often NOT taken advantage of the opportunity to send a zinger like that to my wife. Good for you :-).

The rolling of the eyes is so tragic and so predictable. Good that you are planning your exit. There is a guy out there that will willingly and enthusiastically hand you his tool.

I love the smart *** tool comment!

Good idea to open your own accounts and having a secure location for your documents is so important..... I also see you describe yourself as curvy... Such descriptions interest me!!!! I am a good listener!!! Message me... I will attempt to check in daily... Have a good day!!!

Being a smartness probably wasn't helpful, but damn it was funny. Sorry about your situation, though. No one should have to live without sex and affection.

sounds like a great plan to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope to hear the outcome.....would love to chat....................

You need to talk to a lawyer before you start moving assets around. Seriously.

Talk to a lawyer to make sure you have a workable plan. I don't think you can hide furniture . I think it will have to be part of your settlement.

Thanks for the input!

Other Ideas -
- see a lawyer
- develop an exit strategy
- knock it into do-able shape
- consider individual counselling to help you through
- attend to your support network
- keep your behaviour consistent with what it has usually been (eg if you are a smart arse, keep it up)
- set target dates, to keep yourself accountable
Tread your own path.

I like all that! Thanks!

Being a smartass is good. Sometimes it's the only thing that makes me feel better.

And good for you, for getting your financial ducks in a row. I'm starting to do some similar things. (In my case, looking for a new, more secure job.)

I think that line was hysterical, but then again I appreciate good sarcasm. 😀 It's VERY HARD to keep focus sometimes when emotions are running high. It sounds like you're very bright and well organized. Stick to your plan! Don't take shortcuts and give yourself five minutes a day to revel in your accomplishments. Even if that is only something like putting something on craigslist or filling out a DMV form or making an appointment with an attorney. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You'll get there. I'm cheering for you! 😊

You are being a smart *** because understandably, you are hurt and angry. After you get out of the toxic situation, your anger and hurt will dissipate because your focus will be in living a happy life, and you will have the independence to do that.

You sound like me. Bank accounts - check; ebills instead of paper (or he snoops) - check; getting rid of stuff - check; sarcastic - getting past that but it still occurs. Seen attorney?? (Check). Preparing children for eventual separation? (Check). Make sure your car is in your name (not yet - controlling bastard refuses to go to motor vehicles).

We just bought a new car that is in both names. He put $10000 down and we split the payment. I'll happily give him the car. I didn't want a new car in the first place although I do like it. How do I get the paid off car put into only my name?

What JRD said - plus my husband says like $40 in motor vehicle fees in my state.

You need to talk to a lawyer to find out how a divorce would shake out including how to handle details about your joint property. Those are things that can be covered in the divorce settlement.

I am doing the same. Luckily, I handle the finances & he barely pays attention to where our main checking account is. How are you preparing the children? I have a 2 yo & an almost 5 yo...hands down, my biggest obstacle to just walking out. No idea how to brace them for what will come soon.

I would keep the marital conflict away from them as best you can and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them. My children are older - 10 & 13. I tell my 13 year old more, but they are both aware their parents aren't living as a healthy married couple and we live as we do to maximize their time with both parents, which they prefer.

Little kids just need tons of love and structure - i almost wish i had the strength to leave when they were small - i think they will adjust much better!

An individual therapist can help you figure out how best to prepare the children. Articles like this are helpful, too:



Mine are 22 and 25 and they know we are miserable. We have split a lot! in 25 years. It's sad really what we have put them through.

Better to do it now while they are young so they can learn what a loving relationship should look like

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Sounds like you made a plan and are following it

I'm also in school so I'd like to finish this semester before I make a move.

You deserve some happiness

Now that was funny. lol I think you have everything covered. But yes let your head rule, not your heart. :o)

I actually disagree with that. Your true heart's desire will show you the Truth and guide you to take right action. I think that is exactly what is happening here.

Hope things get better