Ok so I'm not married... But he's my bf.

Long story here cut short.
Tonight is an example... He smoked a bit of weed... Drank few drinks... Then said yeah wel try stuff when we go to sleep, then next thing I'm practically begging him to kiss me... In touching his **** and he says "u working tmrw?"... So I end up saying can I pls suck u? And go down on. Him for him to then just say no more... I'm not in the mood even tho he was hard? I knew he was a bit high, bit drink and really tired... I end up upset, he says pathetic sorry then says "c this is y I said not tonight!".... Ugh! So now I'm on the couch. Cold, sad and feeling **** again.
My bf has been taking oxycontin 100mgs for ages now... A legit script for a broken foot and prolonged pain.. The last few months his sex drive is zero. Tried Viagra but still dsnt fix the problem in his head. He believes this lowered sex drive is to do with the oxy and I agree. He just dsnt know when he can come off it... He promise he would tapper off but who knows when this will be!!?
I love him so much. I really do. But since the problems in the bedroom things have been ****. We fight so much... He's become mean. I don't know if it's due to stress? (I haven't been able to work for a long time) and he hates that I haven't worked... He is the kind of person that gets so caught up in his thoughts. He smokes a bit of weed (3 times a week) and drinks, regularly not getting drunk but enough... I just wish he'd step up and try everything to fix this problem quickly... It's like he thinks we have all the time in the world. It's been months, since we made love properly. I feel so unloved. Each night lying in bed frustrated.... I'm so sick of this :(
honeybee86 honeybee86
22-25, F
9 Responses Sep 2, 2014

It reads like - "My bloke is addicted to prescription meds and has some other issues with illegal and legal drugs as well. By the way, as collateral damage there's no sex in our deal either"
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I think you have your focus on the wrong 'problem' here.
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The problem is that you are in a dud relationship, NOT "why" it is a dud relationship.
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That problem, being in a dud relationship, has a very simple remedy. No an *easy* remedy, but definitely simple.
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Tread your own path.

Honey, prescription or not, he's an addict. Get out while you can. Nothing but grief to be had with him.

Get yourself a job, ANY job, and get out the door.

Consider yourself lucky, As you stated your not married so it'soo easy for you to leave but we on this forum are stuck where we are. No easy out for us just broken families,lawyers,money and heartbreak. You on the other hand are young and unmarried. Anyone on here are going to tell you to packup and leave,so easy for you but not for us.

While it's true that she's lucky in that she's not married to her refuser, with rare exception, the married people here have the ability to leave their spouses. As is true with any life-changing decisions, there would be things to work out and to compromise on. Many who say they can't leave have never talked with a lawyer and (for people concerned about their kids) child therapists to find out how a divorce would shake out financially and otherwise and what could be done to allow the children to maintain close ties with each parent.

Yeah Metta I'm hammering out those details but the ugly guilt still creeps up. But with encouragement from my ILIASM support group i might be able to get this done.

Please forgive my apparent Old Fogie question: Why do you and your BF drink and smoke pot?
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I've been told that it's an escape.
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In your case, the next question would be what are you trying to escape from?

The drugs are killing your relationship -- the whole thing, not just the sexual parts of your relationship.

I suggest that your boyfriend explore physical therapy for the pain he's having. That may permanently end the pain instead of allowing him to get hooked on painkillers. I had severe hip pain that even high doses of oxy weren't helping. I insisted on getting physical therapy, and I was able to stop the pain and the pain meds.

Was your boyfriend prescribed Viagra or did he manage to get it through other means? To properly obtain Viagra, he should have had a thorough physical to see if a problem lik diabetes or an addiction is causing his ED.

Yup. The problem is that most PT is exercise and pain (at least all that I've done). Neither of these are consistent with regular alcohol and marijuana consumption.

******' pain meds are the devil.

They are. And it can start out innocently enough with a legitimate injury. They ruin people's lives.

Yes. :(

Honey, you're never going to have a fulfilling relationship until you are off the drugs and in a relationship with someone else that isn't using. What you're trying to do is akin to trying to be a long distance runner while trying to smoke a pack of cigarettes per day.
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Healthy romantic relationships are mental, physical, and spiritual challenges that require both participants' attention. Some might argue that they don't require full attention, but they definitely require some. You can't do that when you're high or outright anesthetized.

All true.

However, if there is a biochemical issue causing problems then it is very important to treat that first to move fear and anxiety into the trunk where they belong!

Jaques, I will accept that some folks have true biochemical problems that in extreme cases require medication.
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But...
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People with these extreme biochemical problems or those treating them with other biochemicals are not candidates for healthy relationships. Not Politically Correct to say, but if you have any desire for a healthy relationship, you'll avoid these cases.
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Folks struggling with giant bees attacking them cannot focus on other people. Nor can folks that are perpetually or frequently buzzing from drug use.

All true.

What kind of drugs are you talking about?

Well, Oxy for one. And most Anti-Depressants carry with them the side effect of increased suicidal tendencies and loss of libido.
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I recognize their clinical effectiveness, but trying to repair a sexless marriage -- or Create One -- with someone using these medications would appear to be a fruitless venture. I think I'd rather push a rope.

1 More Response

Sorry to hear that. I'm sure it is upsetting to him as well.

Maybe talk to him?

You were sucking his **** and he didnt respond? Maybe you should find someone who would appreciate that, I know I'd have been buried nose deep