I took my wedding ring off today. That is all!
Iamhellonwheels Iamhellonwheels
46-50, F
58 Responses Sep 2, 2014

Do you realize that marriage makes people sexless. The whole concept of marriage is geared to make , specially women ,eventually sexless.
I used to blame men for that , but in the reality it has nothing to do with the man a woman marry . I blame that to the fact that marriage is what it is , a house , a car, work work and work , debt, pregnancy ,too much expectations , pressure , and if we take the fact that many people marry , just because ,get married is something one should do.

Stopped wearing my ring about 20 years ago... she stopped wearing hers a few years later. So I have the high water mark here :-). (have to laugh about something...)

Think of Scarlett in *GONE WITH THE WIND *


Her strength, her stubborn refusal to give up, her determination to turn disaster and chaos into recovery
She never cried, Never gave up her Courage and tenacity,her vitality, her ability to stay strong despite that her world is crumbling...beautiful outside, tough as nails inside! A true survivor

And if all else fails. Just fiddle Dee Dee It

Pre meditated divorce going on. Intentional thinking for sure.

What's next for you?

If your wrestling this in your head and acting on it then it is over.

Your just hanging out due to the fear of the unknown.

What will happen and will I be ok?

Yes you will.

Leave today and I bet a year from now you will still be here.

Nothing is going to come along and eat you!

Work on he real plan of rebuilding your life your way.

Already no sex at yr age wow, that din't last long eh

I do too so i know how frustrated you must feel

Its that bad?

Sorry, but tell me who has fault among two of u...

I truly believe it takes two to wreck a marriage. We both played equal parts.

yea there has to be some one there for the refuser to reject!!!

I actually think that it is a cycle. He irritates the crap out of me so I belittle him and he refuses me and then I get mad he refuses me so it is this constant back and forth. I am not innocent this this train wreck.

OOooh, healthy introspection. I like.
--
Sometimes I'm shocked with the total lack of introspection in some folks.

That's why i stopped chasing the *WHY* and started pretending to be ok with everything till i could get the hell out of dodge!!

-
8 Months free now!!

Sounds about right. Self reinforcing feedback loop that never ends. It never ends, in my case, because the Refuser uses the past as an excuse to continue refusing.

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Oh my! Sorry to hear that there isn't much motion in the ocean. Tried talking to 'em?

Oh that's a good idea, maybe I should talk to him. I hadn't thought of that. :(

NO worries! When we are in a bout of anger, we tend to lose sight of our common sense and other things. Take a breather, recollect your thoughts, and try approaching your spouse with your concerns so that you guys can try to come to a common ground, and let us know how it went! Good luck!

I have done that a few times just to see what it feels like. I have a lot of resentment and bitterness in me. I feel so cold and careless anymore.

That's really how I feel, just cold about the whole thing

A significant step - good luck wirh finding your own way.

Oh wow that sux! Must hard!:(

You sound like whatever.

some times that what it takes i feel for u good luck

sounds like a wild day :) did you enjoy yourself?

Sounds like you guys either need counseling or a divorce! If you have a sexless marriage, that's not love!

I do not under stand why the women are in sexless marriages. The guys must be nuts. I send a lot of the days thinking of it.

Did you clean your ring?

Fantastic!!

Well I guess that's good but are you sure y'all can't work it out an yes its none of my business

Just think about it I hate to see this but chit dose happen. I list a good woman but I take most of the blame on that !!!! But I wish you the best on the direction you take

you need sex its natrual to be Horny xx

It's amazing to read what is happening within this thread. The taking off of the ring? Does it really change your circumstances; not really. It does however; create a mental safety blanket that allows you to cope more readily with your unhappiness. I have a question please; did your spouse notice that the ring had been removed? Did you want them to notice; if so why or why not?

My husband has not noticed or if he did he hasn't said anything. He also didn't notice I had my hair cut and colored. I'm not sure he really looks at me. Your right about how taking it off changed something in me. It lifted a mental weight. I know if I stay it's because I choose to not because I have too.

that's enough

why did you do that?

I hope that is symbolic for you, and that it somehow helps to set you free *hugs*

I hope you find some happiness

This is such an interesting thread. Took mine off a couple of years ago. It is only symbolic (still in this marriage) but felt important.
Never would have thought so many people would respond / react.
Feels so good to know am not alone - the way I felt a few weeks ago - before I found EP.

Welcome to EP and ILIASM ... sorry that you're here with us all, but ILIASM does help to ease the loneliness of a sexless relationship. There are lots of friendly, supportive people, and do read as much as you can, there's some great advice and information in all the previous stories.

How sad!!!!! You need a friend sweetheart???

I took mine off for a few minutes today... it felt SOOOO good...

Why what happened??

Is sex all that u need in marriage?? I am much younger to u, but perhaps we have the connection, that is why we are talking...Talk it to ur partner, Dont take a decision in haste, and if u r having kids then, a strict no no...I belong to India, may be thats the reason I am having such a lookout...

I did the same thing and left the next day.

If you need to chat I'm hear.

;)

:(

So you're the one who got the username I wanted. I tried to get I die a little because that is how I feel. I have been married for 30+ years. The first five were perfect then came the kids. 18 years later they leave for college and sex returns to perfect for two years then it gets worse than it ever was. We've seen therapists and she makes promises that last for one day. I keep wishing things would go back to the way they were but they don't. I said all of that so you would know that the way you feel is the same as how I feel. I don't have advice because I can't fix my own, but I do wish you luck.

I changed my name so you can have it if you want :) sorry about the marriage problems and thanks for sharing your story with me!

Love your new EP name, that is much more positive, and has a touch of humour to it too. GOOD FOR YOU!!! You go girl, spin those tires and make some noise!

I like your new name.

Yes but you beat his ***.
Don't get it

I don't think Satan is happy... or laughing or proud of you.. I think there is a damn good chance God might be done with this part of your life... I still think He put me and My wife together to create our 2 kids... that was our purpose together

Good for you, if that helps you. My only concern would be that in another one of your stories it seems that you are considering outsourcing, and if you are changing your behaviour (such as no longer wearing your wedding ring) that could raise suspicion.

Fight for your marriage from the spiritual instead of the physical.

1-800-759-0700

Satan is lol!

Pppfffttt ... what rubbish!

I quit wearing mine several years ago. She never has asked why.

your not dying ! your gaining ground each day!!!
-

your seeing the light!!

Oh ****, it's time, all hail Satan!

Ok, so the ring is gone. Now the name?
Keep it to no more than 10 characters and used mixed case so it's not so hard to read. Keep it brief, clever, and positive.

I do not obey well :) but I couldn't think of anything else

So we'll just call you Hellon! But to me, you'll just be Ms. Wheels.

I was afraid you'd become ImBatwomanNow or VerticalWoman. Or Bizzar. Or CreamOnion.

Or CerebralCelery. Or CherishMe4.

I'm glad you didn't choose HamNEggs or BiscuitsNGravy.

We'll have to work on your obedience Ms. Wheels!

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I haven't worn mine for several years. It's just a piece of jewelry. It doesn't signify anything but a bad decision to me. He didn't bother to wear his anyway.

I'm guessing you've tried talking with the person, tried working it out, but maybe they don't get it. Let's talk if.

I took my wedding ring off 6 weeks ago. A week later filed for divorce. He only noticed I had taken my wedding ring off 2 weeks ago. Sums up my marriage really.

whoaaa permanently?

Good for you

lol... my ex-wife 'lost' the non-conductive metal band I obtained for her (can't wear conducting metal on your hands when you work with the kinds of electrical power she does as an engineer), and never obtained another. Weirdly enough she was insistent about keeping the really nice platinum/diamond engagement and wedding set I bought her as part of the divorce settlement. I took mine off a few months before we separated and when her mother noticed and said something I told her since "Jane" took hers off there was no point in my wearing mine.

Hmm... that didn't read right. I bought her a really nice engagement/wedding set that I gave her when I proposed. She work the engagement ring regularly, but shortly after getting engaged she got her 'outside plant' engineering position that required working near high Amp/Volt power systems, thus I bought her the non-conductive alloy band. Other than special 'dress up' occasions and when we would travel she left the 'real' set in the cases. I was really surprised she was so insistent; to the point of listing them in the separation and divorce decrees by 'registration number' that was laser engraved on the stones and band. I suggested putting both hers and my matching platinum/diamond band in a safety deposit box after getting them professionally cleaned to keep to give to whichever (if either) of our twins was going to marry for them to use. She flat out refused and said 'those belong to me!'. I don't know if she is going to sell them or what, but what else can you do with what are clearly an engagement/wedding set?

Maybe she is going to sell them. I wouldn't want to use an engagement/wedding set from a couple who divorced. It may sound superstitious, but I just wouldn't want that energy in a new marriage.

Yeah that was my assumption as well. Possibly thinking it was sort of a built-in emergency fund if she ever needed it. Heck the set is worth quite a bit. Registered stones, professional third-party appraisal, insured, etc. I bought the 2.5 carat flawless/colorless .940 fine platinum set in 2004 for almost $15k so it is probably worth a bit more at this point since this type of jewelry often increases in value if in 'mint condition' like her set is. Heck she has probably worn her 'real' set a total of less than 30 days time.

I totally agree, that is bad juju!!! I would never buy used rings like from the pawn shop or something. Bad idea

That's kinda weird really. A friend of mine had her rings melted down and had a jeweller make them into a question mark, with the diamond as the punctuation point. She wears it on a chain round her neck. It's symbolic to her, but I think it's kinda unusual. Not something I would do I guess ... hard to understand :o(

Curious actually. What makes it 'her right' when those rings were to symbolize a marriage she worked so hard to destroy?

Ah I thought you meant morally or ethically by 'her right'. Actually while she may have physically had the rings in her possession until I gave her all the paperwork I had all the proof I had purchased them and registered them in my name, etc. I didn't make any kind of fuss about it when she refused to consider giving them to one of our twins. Honestly though looking back I'm not sure why I was surprised given she is still the most intrinsically selfish person I've ever known.

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what a waste of a sexy gorgeous girl xxx

You betcha!

I just remembered that I never saw my mom -- who was in a sexless marriage with my dad -- wear her wedding ring. She said the gold was too thin and the diamond was too small.

After she died, I saw the ring. It had the tiniest diamond I've ever seen in a ring, and although she had barely worn it, the gold was almost worn through because it was so thin.

Respect and Desire. windchimemusic .... That Is The Magic Combination of 2 necessary ingredients to make a successful marriage. A sexually fulfilling marriage can not be achieved without - Respect and Desire.

My ring has been off for a couple of years. It really just doesn't have much meaning anymore. We still have a kid in school but maybe in a few more years things will change for the better?

When you leave your marriage perhaps ... it seems that our refusers most often don't change :o(

You are taking baby steps toward freedom every day! Good for you!

I would like to give you all a laugh.
My husband wears his wedding ring all the time. That's all he needs to do to be married.

I guess this means something different for everyone. Yes, how ARE you feeling? Sad? Relieved? Resigned? All of the above?

Mine have been off 2 years. He used to get angry about it but says nothing lately....ever since he stole them from me & we fought about it. He obviously took them because he was pissed i wasn't wearing them. Denial led to some ugly passive aggressive over here.

Probably all of the above. My hubby is very passive aggressive. I have no doubt the lack of sex has something to do with "teaching me a lesson" of some kind.

Sorry to hear that. You both have been hurt

Hmm, I teach my wife "lessons" with sex..

I've done this several times for weeks. Sadly I've returned to wearing it each time. Hope it liberates you..and he notices!

She may be taking off the ring to remind herself that she has a sham marriage that's not worth continuing. Her taking it off may have nothing to do with wanting him to notice.

Yeah that was it for me. It was an acknowledgement for myself that I had come to the conclusion my marriage was for all intents and purposes over and just awaiting the 'paperwork' to be finalized. Was a somewhat liberating move and I was actually surprised by how many people noticed. I realize the 'tan line' did draw some attention to it (Shoreboy after all... not just a nickname *wink*) I found it very enlightening that only females commented on it.

Agreed! I could care less if he notices or if he cares!

I was actually really shocked my ex-wife noticed immediately that I took mine off. She was a bit nasty about it honestly and when I pointed out calmly that she hadn't had worn one for almost 3 months at that point she then tells me "well I just haven't had the chance to replace it!". This is a woman who is the acknowledged expert when it comes to shopping online in her family. She hates going to the store (of any kind), thus that excuse was a little lame considering when I got her the 'working ring' I gave her the specific website I had acquired it from.

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Keep strong I can't imagine what your going through.

Mines been off for years yet I'm still trapped with the fat man that I have no attraction to.

Why are you trapped?

Brownlonely: you have other choices beside being married and lonely.

Going to go out alone without your wedding ring?

I do all the time. He hasn't worn his ever so I don't feel the need to wear mine. If he wants me too he needs to treat me like a wife.