When to Call It a Day???

I've been with my partner for 3 years now - the last 2 have been pretty much sexless. I'm 29, he's 32 and we have a baby on the way (at least we got that far!). I've practically given up talking to him about the issue now - all I seem to get are excuses. There is ZERO passion in the relationship and sex is so mechanical and forced that I've now given up trying. The last year has been a selection of five minute sessions with no foreplay, no excitement, no anticipation, no ******* (at least for me) and happens only once a month after another one of our chats - it's 'pity sex' and nothing more. 

I'm just not sure how much longer I can tolerate this. My last relationship lasted five years and even towards the end we were still making love daily and the passion was still very much alive. I've never come across a guy who wasn't 'up for it' on an hourly basis so my present partner is a mystery to me!

I warned him a few months ago that the less he came near me, the less I wanted him near me - I explained that I wanted things to change so that our sex life didn't disappear into complete oblivion - he's been near me twice since then and after each occasion I was devastated because it was forced, uncomfortable & felt so wrong. I'm scared we've reached the point of no return and that this is the end of what little sex we had.

The other aspect of our physical relationship is still alive - we'll still kiss, cuddle and are very tactile towards each other - but that's as far as it ever goes. This confuses me even more because it seems as though he does still find me attractive - in fact, he still tells me that he does - he just says he doesn't want to sleep with me.

I feel like I've exhausted all avenues with him - he has no physical problems performing, he's not interested in ****, I'm 100% sure he's not having an affair, I've made sure I'm not some nagging, whinging woman, I always make an effort to look good & keep in great shape - nothing seems to help. He's had many girlfriends in the past and told me he's had active sex lives with them so I can't help thinking it must be something to do with me

I'm desperately unhappy and feel so lost. I'm not planning on making any rash decisions - we have a baby due soon and she is my priority for the foreseeable future. I don't know if I'm being completely selfish for wanting to leave my partner over the lack of sex - I can't fault him in any other way so maybe I should just put-up and shut-up. Then again, you only live once and at 29, I don't see why I should live the life of a nun! 

Geez - I've got some thinking to do!

kekelove kekelove
4 Responses Mar 10, 2009

You say partner, not husband. Does this mean you're not married?

I feel your pain but I'm on the other end as the husband. I'm 27 and she's 31. Read my story

I understand Bazzar's thoughts, but you said you have pretty much been sexless the past two years. Not pregnant that long, I hope. . . LOL.<br />
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I don't know why this has happened or how to fix it, other than trying. See a therapist, a counselor, a priest, do whatever you can to make things better. You now have a baby in the mix and that complicates any situation.<br />
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I am so sorry that at 29 you find yourself here. Please keep sharing and reading our stories. <br />
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God be with you.<br />

Maybe, just maybe, this might not be so bad. <BR>Back a million years ago, when all was well in my marriage, my wifes sex drive increased exponentially when pregnant, particularly the 2nd time. Maybe yours is heightened beyond your usual levels at this time. Thats one thing.<BR>And maybe, just maybe, he has some concious or sub concious issue about sex with a pregnant woman (not her appearance) but the fact she is pregnant. Read something about this somewhere once (cant recall any detail)<BR>Cut to the chase, maybe its got nothing at all to do with you right now, but has a lot to do with you being pregnant. I haven't worded that well... I'll try again...<BR>he may have an aversion to sexual attraction to pregnant women (for all sorts of reasons) and, as of now, you are a pregnant woman.<BR>I certainly dont want to trivialise this, but maybe, this is only a temporary thing ???<br />
I hope you find some good comments on your story - above is just what occurs to me - and I hope you have a lovely baby kekelove.