I'm Tired...

i was watching "blazing saddles" the other night and thinking about the scene with madaleine kahn and that about sums it up.  emotionally things between us have been good lately, and there is no real end to what it is that i will do for her.  still, i'm flat out exhausted.  the lack of passion and interest in my life is deflating me.  the last few days, when i haven't had a reason to do anything after she leaves the house, i've been drunk most of the day, and then sober enough by the time she comes home.  i just need her to take care of me for a little while, not all the time, but just for a little bit so i can breath.  she is not capable, no matter how much she loves me, it is not in her nature.  my nerves, persistence, and soul is worn to a frail end, and whatever i have left seems so futile in the face of what i have to face going forward. 

i used to be a strong, opionated and defiant person.  now i'm a shell of what i once was.

lebowski28 lebowski28
26-30, M
7 Responses Mar 10, 2009

Lebs, come on honey. We have had this discussion before. I love you man. I'm your biggest fan, but I'm gettin ready to kick your ***!<br />
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Listen to me, and listen good. Get your *** to AA, NOW! I don't want to hear another word about it. Secondly, tell your wife you need some time away to think and get your **** together. Get sober and get your head clear and start making decisions in your life.<br />
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Lebs, she can't save you. Okay. Do you hear me? You have to save yourself. Please Lebs, do it for me?<br />
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Big hugs<br />
KFC

Consider the power of sublimation: Am I getting laid? Uhmm, no...but my displaced energies have allowed me to increase my bench press by 100 lbs and I have become a hell of a cook (blanching, braising, grilling, the whole nine yards)! <br />
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Sex is SOMETHING, but it aint EVERYTHING. I mean, you were watching "Blazing Saddles" the other night for cryin' out loud, which means you still have a sense of humor. This means that you are not completely dead internally - you've got something to work with! <br />
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Go...live...right...now! I mean it...get off of the couch right now and do a push up or something. Go, go, go! Don't make me come down there... You can do it!<br />
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http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/570774/sublimation

Just remember the famous words of the Governor, "We've got to protect our phony baloney jobs, gentlemen."<br />
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"Hurrumph"

I totally understand what you are going through. I recently learned that my husband is suffering from Nacississtic Personality Disorder, but he doesn't know it. He is a very selfish individual. Tomorrow is my birthday and he is not here. Not spending time with me, not making any plans to celebrate my birth, nothing. I want some emotional intimacy and there is none. He comes home and dumps all his garbage on my lap and never listens to what I go through with the baby or what I am doing in school, nothing. When I ask him questions about where he is going he gets an attitude. I am currently in the process of planning to leave him because I need so much more. He never cares about me, when my father passed he went a whole week without even saying sorry for your loss or a hug or anything. I think that when you are in a relationship that is draining everything from you you have to start thinking about self preservation. That's where I am now, I am thinking about what I have to do to preserve my sanity. With you drinking all the time, that is not healthy, you have to start thinking about yourself and your needs.

Remember when that movie morphed into 'real life' as Bart, Hedley LeMar et al end up in the street ? Sounds like you just hit reality too lebowski. This is not necessarily a bad thing !!!<BR>You ARE still "a strong opiniated and defiant person". <BR>You have taken a good old kicking obviously and can't recognise you REAL self as of right now, that's all.<BR>You can get it back !! Suggestion - to get it back you need to have your mind as clear as possible. Alcohol, at this point, probably isnt helping - it is chemically a depressant - and maybe that might be a good start (this is rich coming from me who got legless drunk at a wedding 2 wks ago !!!!). <BR>The "shell" is intact, refill it with strength, opinions and defiance. You've still got them, but you gotta find them again. Once you have, you can start to explore suggestions etc to better your position. <BR>Come on mate, its there, (character traits don't "go" - they might hide tho) - clear your head, and start looking for it.

Hang in there<br />
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You sound like you could use a friend

Can totally relate.<br />
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It's very draining , depressing and deflating to be in this situation.<br />
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Unfortunately I don't have an answer for you.<br />
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Good Luck and I hope you feel better knowing YOU ARE NOT ALONE.