No fellow Ep folks.  The surprise was not that my husband wanted to have sex with me.  The surprise was that I found out today quite by accident that he is looking for a new job!  He has seniority and health benefits at his present job.  The company treats him very well and he works when other workers are sitting home because he does a good job and does not turn down work.  I was furious with him when I learned of this!  In this economy why would any sane person give up a good job to try another place where we would be without health benefits for months?  Where senior workers would work while he sits here with me?  No way!  What hurts is that he never once considered my feelings about this.  This is not a marriage.  This is not even a friendship. 


My best friend hit the roof when I told her today and then she told me to "make nice" for the present and smooth things over and I am trying.  Thankfully I kept my emotions in check when what I really wanted to do is throw something at him!  And I am not a violent woman.  My husband lost his last job because he violated company policy and caused a hazardous situation for other workers.  Now I am afraid that he will pull the same thing with this job.  He is so childish and selfish and I am out of here as soon as possible.  Right now I would prefer living in a convent and leaving the rest of the world behind!  Not really but the thought does have some appeal  however  I enjoy sex too much!  Or rather, I used to back in the stone age!  I must inject a little humor here.  I have heard that having sex is kind of like riding a bicycle.  One never forgets how.  The big question is when?  Some lucky man is in for a very good time on down the road.  Tonight that road is getting shorter and shorter!  Maybe I will have a lovely sexy dream tonight to work off this frustration?  Enough venting for now.  I have to get to sleep and see if I can conjure up that dream!

dartist dartist
56-60, F
4 Responses Mar 10, 2009

Thank you all for the comments. Handsomedevil brought up a good point. Even if he wanted to have sex with me, I have no desire for his touch anymore. I do not wish any harm to come to him but I have emotionally shut down most feelings towards him. The new job episode is one in such a long line of negative feelings about my marriage. <br />
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Ironic that when we married I thought I would grow old with this man. Now I cannot imagine spending one more year with him. I know that I am not perfect. I have my faults. I have a tendency to daydream and I sometimes put things off. When I get emotionally hurt, I withdraw a bit to sort things out and then talk when I am calmer. <br />
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One of the biggest problems I am facing is the enormous toll the stress of this marriage is taking on my physical state. Frequent headaches and fatigue that keeps me from accomplishing needed tasks. I feel better when I am away from him. I laugh more and feel lighthearted. Kind of like a prisoner being let out of jail. <br />
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Today I found out that he threw away important tax papers so this is causing another problem. And he got mad at me and stomped up to his room. Then the pounding headache started so I called a good friend and laughed and calmed down. Now my headache is gone. <br />
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What I try to do when he upsets me is to find something positive to concentrate on. To remind myself that this is only temporary until I can start my new life but it is hard to be patient at times.

Is his name Ralph.....Think that he the same one that I married....Well if not the same one....he is at least the same type.....But I have to stop myself right here...<br />
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I will be our 29 Anniv. on Sat.....and I promised myself until that day is over...That I will think only on the good things of those years.....Looks like I will be thinking of the starts lots.....<br />
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Sorry that was bad of me....But I will write another story about dear old hubbie next week.....He is trying to make it a nice week end...and I really do not want to spoil it...He does this only when I tell him that I'm leaving

You were able to end on a positive note and that is the magic about you! No matter how awful his decision was and the affect it will have on you, you know how to file it away for the night. Sometimes the insensitivity to our feelings is so obvious that we can't believe it. <br />
When love is present, how can hurt and disregard be so prevalent? I wish I had more understanding. Sometimes I think I will never understand my husband and I am wasting my time too by putting too much energy into this marriage anymore. He is so removed from me that he lives as a fixture and I am the satellite circling him and trying to pick up a signal ... maybe he needs a new battery or a new wife? <br />
Happy Dreams to a Wonderful Person

I can relate to this. When I first married my husband, I had to quit and stay at home with his sons and my husband was in and out of jobs until he found himself. It drove me crazy to have him come home and say this or that vocation was not for him. Finally he decided that truck driving gave him the freedom he wanted. Now he's working and he has his insurance and I have mine. He also is now inviting me to continue my education and I am going to. Dream one up for me too.