Hi all. I'm new here so a bit apprehensive. I'm 44 years old and live in a celibate "marriage" we've been together 14 odd years and about 4 years ago the decision was made to stop the sex as he had absolutely no interest in it, with me or anyone else. To keep trying was destroying me. I had no confidence in myself left at all.
It was decided that if I can accept him as he is (asexual essentially) that he must accept that i am not asexual and so I have dispensation to go outside the marriage. Kind of a "don't ask, Don't tell" situation i guess ;) I plucked up the last bit of courage i had left and made myself get out there...bought a new wardrobe and re-invented myself essentially. There was no lack of interest so i guess it really wasnt "all my fault" as i had started to believe.
This has worked ok as we still "like" each other and there is a lot of mutual respect. Do i love him? I really don't know any more. If I do its like a brother thing. He says he loves me but i doubt he really knows what that is.
There are problems for me of course. I miss not having anyone to curl up with as i never spend a night with a lover. I miss the little daily affections you would expect in a normal marriage. Lovers are ok but given the choice I would have liked a whole marriage rather than this. This is just take-away food...not the fancy dinner i hoped for ;). But i was married before to a monster and i know how few really good men there are out there that are single. So I've settled for this. It works ok. But yes it is lonely. I havent loved any of my lovers and nor have they loved me. Its been a "friends with benefits" thing at most.
Anyways thats kind of my story. Thanks for reading