Sometimes I wonder...

Is bad sex really better than no sex?  When it's been months without sex, I often feel that any sex is better than no sex.  But then my wife will offer emotionless, mechanical intercourse and afterwards I feel terrible, both for her having to do something she doesn't want to do and for myself being denied any real emotion or passion.  The day after, I convince myself the emotional pain of bad sex is worse than no sex.  Until I've gone a couple of months without...  It's an endless cycle.

What say you?

iyrn4 iyrn4
46-50, M
12 Responses Mar 11, 2009

Doesn't make it any better, though.....<br />
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If he goes somewhere else, I can't blame him.

Meggi51, <br />
<br />
You and your spouse have a reason for no sex and at the same time I am sure that you show your love and intimacy in another way. It does not make it any better but at least you have something to "wrap" you mind around as to why your are not having se

Well, that's awful.......<br />
<br />
I felt that way when my first marriage was on the rocks.<br />
<br />
I felt I was just a commodity for him, to use when he felt the need.

I have no choice but to accept that that part of our marriage is over.<br />
<br />
It saddens both of us, but that's the way it is.

I'm so sorry to hear that meggi51.

I'm beginning to forget what ANY kind of sex is like!<br />
<br />
It's close on a year since my husband & I made love.<br />
<br />
Not because desire has died for either of us, or because our emotional bond has gone, but because I'm in too much pain all the time from a spinal disorder that sex is impossible.

I have come to the conclusion that if you have to beg and plead to get sex it is not worth it. It only really works if both partners have the desire for it,

I'm right there with you hnoel79.<br />
<br />
And what's worse, I'm expected to feel "grateful" for that bad pity sex. Please...

Yes dragontail, it isn't just a desire for sex or even good sex (although I sure would love that!), it is a desire to be wanted in return.<br />
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And yes, these experiences lead to anger. In fact, I refer to it more as bitterness. I'm bitter towards my spouse for forcing me into these thoughts and feelings. But honestly, that's probably my problem. I have to learn to let the bitterness go. It isn't healthy and certainly isn't helping the situation. For all I know, her lack of physical interest in me may not be her fault. I'm sure she didn't conciously choose to feel that way.

Correct carpenterchis, about as exciting as a blow-up doll. And worse yet are the times she is just "doing her duty," usually after we've had "the talk" (read: argument) again. It's bad for both of us, and afterwards not only do I have the empty pain of emotionless sex to deal with, I have the guilt of having made my wife do something deeply personal (have her body penetrated) she really doesn't want done. That must really be awful for her.

My brother, I know exactly how you feel!! May as well be a blow up doll. Just doing "her duty" right? Well don't hurt yourself for the curse of complience!

Although I find myself in a sexless marriage, I would not crave additional servings of lousy sex.