I Am No Longer Attracted......

I have been married for 7 years, in the relationship for 9 yrs and without sex for 4yrs.

Last summer is when I finally decided to get some counseling thinking there was something wrong with me. I talked to the counselor and he told me that I didn't seem to have a problem that he needed to talk to my husband.

I went the one time by myself and the he went a couple of times. Physically he is a tad overweight 6'1" 280lbs. I like bigger men though.  He got a physical and the doctor told him he has ED.  He then gave him short term and long term meds to help him.  They are still in the package on our dresser untouched.  He thinks the act of sex and the after clean up is GROSS!

Now when went to the counselor together I told the counselor that I felt like my husband was not attracted to me and that I know there is someone out there that is.  The counselor told me it was good that I had a backup plan. Which I didn't but I am only 35 and love sex.  The counselor asked my husband point blank if he was attracted to me and he said "NO, that I had a couple of things to work on." I think he meant my weight but didn't say for sure. Most of my friends and co-workers think he is gay because I am not bad looking, I am funny and I get along with everyone.

If he were gay...GREAT.....FINE....just let me know it would make things a lot more clear to me and easier for me to leave.  He is a great provider, supported me through school.....he is very good to me in a friendly (buddy) kind of way!!! I find now, that I dont even want to hold his hand. I want to be held and passionately kissed and made love to....not to mention some good old fashion good HOT sex! 

Now What?!?!?!??! How long do I try to stick it out?

rockinred40dd rockinred40dd
36-40, F
5 Responses Aug 16, 2007

With all due respect, allow ME to make it clear and easier for you to leave by first answering your last question.NOT ONE MORE DAY/NIGHT!!!If he isn't trying to stick it in, WHY would you stick it out? The only thing wrong with you is allowing the marriage to go so long without sex. That's it! If he loved you and cared he would have taken the meds. And even IF he was diagnosed with ED, it wouldn't prevent him from using his hands, fingers or mouth. Nor does it prevent him from being attracted to you. By the way, he might as well been hitting you over-the-head with a bat by saying he wasn't. Lastly, your friends and co-workers telling you they think he's gay is a testament to you NOT being the problem. You're practically a born-again-Virgin.Now celebrate your GRAND RE-OPENING with somebody who deserves it so much as you do. ;o)

tottally agree

Hey Friend, <br />
<br />
It sounds like you have tried to talk to him about your feeling of desire that are not being forfilled. I think most men feel like they are either in touch with their partners sexually or just don't care. It may be that he just don't care due to something that has happened to in your relationship. It sounds like (and I am NO Dr Phil) like you need to get inside if him and find some honesty. Once you get him to really open up you will probably know what the problem is right away. But as always be careful. some men are emotional slobs when it comes to opening up what they hide inside. <br />
<br />
Good luck,

He is on no meds except the ones that could prolong things and he doesnt take those, therefore no drugs in his system!<br />
<br />
I have tried to thing of anything...that is why I keep coming back to him just not liking it!

It is difficult to take care of me 1st, I have a 13 yr old daughter(ex husband) that is very attachted to him. This is not a good age to take her out of her norm because of me!<br />
<br />
I appreciate you comments!

Maybe he's TOO attached to 13 yr old(in a sick sexual way) would explain his unattractiveness to u if he likes 13 yr old girls...definitely seems there is something going on..and not with u..worth considering

Seems to me if your husband should be able to tell you what those things are -- I cant get that much from my wife (and would love to hear them ) - Sounds like you are nice looking so should be easy to correct - Sorry -I know its frustrating