Torrid Affair In a Sexless Marriage

I have been married for 18 years and for the past 3 years have been living without sex.  My husband uses the excuse that I have arthritic hips and that he may "hurt me" and he doesn't want to feel like he is "using me" for his own gratification.  I was very upset and felt totally inadequate as prior to 3 years ago we had very good sex.  

I recently found a lover and am having a torrid affair with a younger man who sexually excites the heck out of me and my hips are certainly not an issue!

I know this affair is morally wrong but I am not dead yet.

Any suggestions?????



PJParle PJParle
5 Responses Mar 12, 2009

An affair is an affair, and although it is your husband's job to make love with you it is kinda hinted that he may be having an affair, too. <br />
Why cheat on him? Sex isn't everything.

Good for you! Enjoy it and why not? I mean your husbands' excuse is BS. <br />
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Where did you find the lover?

I'm glad somebody's having some fun!

If your lover can fill the needs he can, and your jusband fills the needs he can, you have reduced conflict and you are in a position to better appreciate what your husband does do for you. About morals, the other side of the many, many members of this group will that having a spouse agree to have sex only with you carries an obligation to provide for their sexual needs. If he wanted and needed you and you denied him and sought pleasure in a lover, that would be morally wrong. I try never to judge here but I don't see you as guilty.<br />
Best of luck.

Take the "morality" out of it and look at it from a reality standpoint. Affairs happen because something huge is missing in the relationship. However, they don't solve anything. In fact, they make the situation worse most times. I am not judging, for I too have walked this path and wished many times I could have gone back and did things differently. Once you have crossed that line; however, the damage is done.<br />
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If you want my honest opinion, sit your husband down. Tell him you are hurting and want and need to work on the marriage. If he can't find it within himself to work with you, then you need to end the marriage and move on in your life. Not saying that's easy, but living with the guilt and pain, is not worth it.