What to Do?

I have been now married for 19 yrs.  The last five with no sex.  Before that it was fine, but slowly she lost interest.  To make matters worse, she started dressing like her mother did when she was elderly, especially at night with a hideous night gown and always at least an ugly (and a turnoff) house coat during the day.  I loved sex and especially oral sex but no more.  I have often seen other women my age, 59, (I always preferred mature women) whom I have thought how much I would have loved to have sex with them.  Nothing happens of course.  If the situation did occur, I don't know how I would handle it.  I'm not sure that I could have sex without strong feelings of love creeping in.  I don't want to leave my wife, we get along fine, other than the sex problem.  Are there women out there that think they could have casual sex without love?  Mature women that is.  Just some thoughts for now.  J

j97b j97b
56-60, M
3 Responses Mar 12, 2009

My story exactly , but , it has been 10 years 4 me . Married 35 years & no sex . 3 Kids & we don't have 2 do it any more . Her 58 me 63 . All I can add 2 all this is good luck 2 all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Joie B.

Sex has been tapering off in my marriage (second) of 10 years for the last two years. My wife is older, 65, and I'm 58. She does not feel attractive, no matter what I tell her. She is beautiful and desirable to me. I have explained my emotional and physical needs so many times that I have finally lost energy for it. She just doesn't seem to need much more than hugging. I found a woman, married, unsatisfied, but not interested in leaving her husband, who lives 90 miles from me. We meet several times per month for play. It is not a true love relationship, but I LIKE, and respect her, and...she is a fabulous lover. We thoroughly enjoy our time together. I do sometimes feel guilty, frustrated by my situation at home, but the idea of living out my life without a physical relationship is unbearable.

Well, I'm not in the right age group anyway...<br />
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But, J97B, like you I can't do that because the "love creeping in" problem...<br />
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Only five years....wow. First that I would think "only five years" and second that it would be almost twice as long and I'm younger than you by years and years...