It's Not Supposed 2 Be Like This...

I'm not sure when things started going downhill, but it was obvious...I am a newlywed of 2 weeks, but things aren't right already. I have been dating my wife for 2 years. About 8 months ago, we decided to not have any sexual contact to "do the right thing." I did so, reluctantly, but still physically something was missing. I am always the one to initate everything. I have to kiss her first, arouse her, always the persuer. She will persue me when we haven't kissed or embraced in a long time, but it's normally me doing the persuing. In addition, I feel like I am the one that caters to her needs. I will watch on TV what she likes and etc. She also falls asleep on me. A LOT. At first this wasn't a big deal, but a beautiful, healthy 28 year old woman shouldn't fall asleep so easy. If she's not entertained, she's falling asleep. I am also beginning to despise the internet. I wanted us to have some hubby & wife time earlier in the week, and around 11 she said she'd be right there. 2 HOURS later I awake to her walking in the room. I'm too tired & out of the mood. I happen to awake at 4 in the morning, and guess where she is? MySpace, Facebook, yahoo, etc. Unbelievable. I REALLY don't want to step outside of my marriage, but if she's not going to be affectionate, a man has needs. And I know. TALK ABOUT IT. I've tried. Like I said that I always cater to her needs...no matter how I express what I need, she just doesn't get it. In one ear and out the other. Tried to discuss it tonight...No avail...Fell asleep about 4 hours ago. I left the house to get some air. Considering options I shouldn't be thinking about as a newlywed, but a man has needs...WHEWWW!! Thanks for letting me vent & I hope this wasn't too long...Any responses would be great...My SOULMATE continues to sleep on & I have no one else...

foxwash foxwash
26-30, M
5 Responses Mar 13, 2009

You Guys have NO IDEA how much these comments are helping me!! Thanks so much for the feedback. To answer a few questions...We don't have any children...As for as Psychological issues, I don't think she has anything I am aware of. I don't think she even realizes theres much of a problem. She got up this morning and has been talking on the phone for the last 3 hours to her sister and I think her brother, but whenever I try to talk about these issues, it's all me talking and silence from her. I don't think she knows how to address issues that are not pleasant. As far as giving it a year and then cutting loses, that is an option I am considering. Also I will seek out clergy or counsel. Thanks so much everyone and keep up the comments...

If you don't have any children together yet...GET OUT NOW!!! While you still can. <br />
Might be difficult to explain to family and friends, but those awkward explanations are nothing compared to what you're about to go through if you get stuck in this thing long term.<br />
If you have children together, then it's a whole different set of considerations. <br />
Good luck.

Good advice has already been given. Don't have children with her until this is resolved to your satisfaction. It seems as if she is not into you... better sit down with a 3rd party and find out just what is going on.

Has she had proven depression issues?<br />
<br />
Take care of it now, before years go by and your're the oldlman on the board

You are starting your marriage with an unresponsive spouse .. sounds unbelievable. We all have our own individual situations, and many of them started at the beginning of our marriage, just like yours,,, we just choose not to see them, for one reason or another.<BR>It's great that you recognize the problem already and are not willing to accept it as is.<BR><BR>I know that people get tired from working and from other physical or mental conditions. But this seems to have already become a habit .. watching TV, going on the internet, instead of being a companion to you.<BR>You should be all over each other at this point .. your prime and hers. <BR>EP is a wonderful place to have landed.<BR>We are non-judgemental and ready to give our insight and point-of-view.<BR>Communication is key. Will your spouse sit down and discuss what is happening here? Or will she deny anything is wrong? You know, and she knows, this isn't the way it is suppose to be so early on in the marriage.<BR>Consider speaking to a therapist or clergy ... friends and family are too close usually to offer the insight you require.<BR>Blessings for a healthy outcome