No Pain Worse

My wife and I have been together for over 20 years now, and I have spent most of that time living in hope.

It`s not that we don`t have sex, its just that she will not allow herself to enjoy her sexuality. Its like its a chore to be rid of as quickly as possible, leaving us both feeling empty. Those rare times we do have sex its like humping a sack of potato`s. Dry, lifeless & brittle.

I`ve tried talking through our issues, we`ve done counselling, I`ve written sexy love letters, tried to instigate games, but to no avail. Most of my days are spent in a lustful unfulfilled haze.

God! I love this woman so much, but she drives me insane. I`m sick to death of masturb***ng alone. In fact I`ve become so angry the last few times she`s dismissed me, or slammed her legs shut, that I`ve taken to masturb***ng in front of her. I often shoot all over her belly or t**s. That`s how crazy I get.

There have been times I`ve been tempted to leave, or to have an affair, but I just can`t do that. I have a young son, and the thought of being a weekend dad horrifies me.

musicmad musicmad
41-45, M
3 Responses Mar 14, 2009

Interesting that she stays there and lets you ********** and come on her... <br />
You need to deal with your ange before it gets out of hand. Kids have a pretty good idea of what is going on between their parents. <br />
Keep talking to us... It's a good outlet.

I read your story twice to understand what kind of LOVE is this you have for her. Obviously you are starting to dislike her intensely ... maybe even hate her, for withholding sex and not respecting your natural needs. Why do you ********** in front of her and shoot yourself on her when she has denied you by slamming her legs shut? Is this a punishment to show her that you will be orgasmic without her? <br />
Denying a spouses sexual needs goes against the respect of their sexuality. It is a natural act between two loving, consenting married adults and a right. <br />
I suggest therapy for yourself to get ahold of your anger and to start the healing process for yourself, your wife and son. If these things stay the same, your son will be witnessing an unfulfilling dysfunctional marriage, as "touchmenot" has commented. <br />
I empathize with you as my husband is the refuser and he leaves me feeling like an empty vessel. Even when we have sex, I try to satisfy every longing because I know how fleeting it will be ... quick, and over.<br />
Hope you find some good comments here. EP is great for venting and becoming aware of how others handle these situations.<br />
Blessings tonite.

It's better to be a weekend Daddy than to teach your son that living in a unfulfilling dysfunctional family is normal and expected of him as he matures. <BR><BR>You can't change how your wife is, she has to accept there is a problem and work on changing it herself. I'm a refuser trying to reform and I wish I could say what worked for my relationship would work for yours. I wouldn't allow her to dismiss the talking about it. You may have to force the issues with her. I have been known to flat refuse to talk and yet my husband would stand infront of me and insist I answered him and honestly he deserved and answer. <BR><BR>My question is how does she respond to you shooting your love juices all over her?