Too Much Has Happened

Just the thought of going to bed with my sortof defactor makes me cringe.  Too many put downs. Too many arguements without a "I'm sorry".  Just staying here for now for my 2 kids aged 11 and 7.
mysticmum mysticmum
36-40, F
7 Responses Aug 18, 2007

I'm sorry you are going through it. I have some words of wisdom (I hope). The longer you stay in, the more time and energy you invest in the marriage, the harder is is to get out of it. I should've left in my 30's, but I didn't, and i'm still here in my 50's because its very hard to split what we have and make a go of it on my own. Dear one, if you are not getting the love you need, please don't waste the rest of your life, like i did. Wishing you the best.

I am also staying for my kids unlike you mine is not so much put downs as it is the under minding with the kids! They do not listen to Me because they know mom will let them even if I say no! I am starting to look for some place new not happy here! it takes its toll after years! Hope it works out for you best of luck!

I feel for you. I didn't have a sexless marriage but did have the emotional (and physical) abuse and stayed "for the children". I am now divorced, took years, never could get him to agree. Now, I know, that should the abuse start again in any relationship, I'm outta there. Staying for the kids is exactly EXACTLY what they tell you NOT to do in the divorce classes for people divorcing with kids here in my state. I stayed for years and years past when I should have left. I'm middle aged and not great looking anymore, but once I got out, I found out, I'm much much better off now.<br />
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Also, planning to leave secretly from an abusive relationship is about the only way it works. Save up money, make plans, leave secretly, don't stay in touch and don't look back. You deserve a good man and a great relationship.<br />
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Either the relationship can be fixed or it can't. So fix it or leave. Tough words, huh? Sorry, but I think they're true.<br />
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Message me anytime if you wanna talk.

Same here. Mine knows all too well how to insult, attack and belittle me when I bring sex or affection up in a conversation. So, at this point, he couldn't touch me with a ten-foot pole. Today, I wanted so bad to tell him that I am leaving in six months. But, I just kept it to myself. I just cannot and will not continue to live in a household of emotional abuse. Thank God we have no children together. We both have adult children from previous marriages. I say all time, "God knows what he is doing". If I was stuck with this peice of **** due to raising a family, I would do something desperate.

I understand what you mean. I too am nursing all of the pain that my husband has caused me. I love him, it is just too hard to look past the hurt and see the man that I fell in love with. When I look at him I see the evil bastard that he has become before I see the wonderful man that I fell in love with.

Sorry you are here with the rest of us... I know it's an awful thing to be denied a basic human need... my husband is a jerk... and he'll never change. I am going to leave - just have to find a place to go... and I'm outta here!

My wife has said Im sorry maybe 3 times in last 10 years....her reason is "she is not sorry" <br />
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Keep you self worth up and try to get thru the put downs - they are probably not true and just because they are said over and over does not make them correct<br />
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try your very best to feel your best -- this group is a good start - I know its rough