No Sex Marriage

 I to live in a sexless marriage.  About 4 years ago my husband moved out of our bedroom and started sleeping in our basement where he has a small office.  At first I believed him when he said it was due to the fact that we went to bed at different times, he snores, up earlier that I was.  Then it turned to well the dogs are on the bed and every other excuse that he could think of.  We used to be able to say lets have "sex tonight at your place" or come over to my place (meaning the bedroom) but now we never have sex any longer . In the year 2008 we had sex 6 times. Pretty sad when you have to keep track of it in a journal.

nothappymarried nothappymarried
10 Responses Mar 16, 2009

Its not self pitty on your part...Its selfeshness on her part not fullfilling your sexual needs. She Did say she would LOVE honor and cherish in her vows for better or worse and she is not upholding her end of the vows

it is really cruel to have to sleep in the same bed with a partner who wants nothing to do with you sexually. i have tried to move into the spare room so many times but he refuses to accept this and i always land up having to sleep next to him again. he really does not understand why i feel this way. i really don't think that my husband has the slightest clue as to how much he has broken my heart by rejecting me physically. i can't understand how he can say he loves me but yet never touches me. he has never told me he wants to make love to me and has only once initiated sex in the two years we have been married. it makes me feel repulsive, desperate and bitter. i have never felt so worthless and unloved as i do now.

It seems almost as though one could be a masochist to keep themselves in that sleeping arrangement. It was hell for me so I merely went to separate rooms years ago. I fully understand just how difficult it is to sleep next to a desirable woman and not feel inclined to embrace her for fear of rejection.<br />
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Besides moving to another room I also simple moved on to another life away from that scene for years. It solved many problems and created but very few and in many ways short of a divorce it was the only way I could have survived.<br />
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Again, my hats off to those of you with the tremendous fortitude to occupy a bed with some one who does not care for intimacy. I frankly cannot see how you all do it.

I started sleeping in the bedroom again after 5 weeks of sleeping on his sofa and a 4 month separation with me living at my own place. I post a blog about what happened to me last night and I am thinking of returning to the sofa.

I was worse when we shared the bed and not each other. We went through the whole litany of excuses, now he just sleeps on the couch.<br />
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I want him to move into a bedroom of his own. The whole taking over the living room thing is annoying, but apparently he can pretend that we still share a bedroom. Even though we haven't in a couple of years.

By reaction mirrors reflections 3 (no pun intended). Just last night I was commenting on how bad it feels to go get in bed with my wife... knowing I will be inches from a woman that I can not touch (sexually). What kind of madness is my life, I have to wonder. It's only natural to wan to connect body to body, flesh to flesh with the person you love.

I look at that sleeping arrangement as honorable. Most of us sleep with our spouses in the same bed, share the same room and have no contact with them throughout the night.<br />
When I wake up and see the back of my husband facing toward me, I really want to be able to put my arm around him and touch him,,,, but he has told me that the bed is for sleeping and he doesn't like to be touched ... and he needs the little blue pill to get an erection ... so we have the smell and the sight of the person, but are denied the touch and the warmth.<br />
If my husband slept on the couch or in another room, that would just be honorable instead of torturing me with a thirst for the touch.<br />
How has this affected your daily interaction with each other. Sharing a bed without touch or intimacy, or sleeping in another area of the house ... isn't marriage... it's called rooming with someone and obviously it works for them....<br />

True that. You live like Caligula compared to most people here. 6x...

Your doing well. You had sex 6 times last year. I have had NONE in 4 years

I can husband has been sleeping on the couch for the last 5 years!! It is true, physically we were having a hard time "sleeping" together, but then that was the end of our sex life!!! It disgusts me when he's on the "couch" most of the time, watching TV, on computer, takes naps, then just turns around and says, "good night". What the hell kind of life is this? Plus <br />
the couch is ruined.....not meant to sleep on, live on, ect. He does do some other things...goes to work, store, ect. but this is the extend of it. Not sure how much more I can take.