It Is Never His Fault

When my husband and I married things were fine, he is a fairly kind considerate guy and we shared a lot of things. Then several years ago (after taking early retirement) he started having sexual problems, at first there were lots of excuses, I excited him too much, he loved me too much, I guess you know the kind of crap they say. Then, when it was obvious that he was suffering impotence it was all, well if I practiced more, if you dressed up, if you did this, if you did that blah blah blah. I tried to be kind and consider his feelings but he never faced the fact that it was his body and his problem, the reasons why it was my fault were endless. After a couple of years, the nasty putdowns, childish tantrume and generally ****** behaviour started. Finally after running out of patience I insisted we talk about it rationally, its no big deal and the doctor could help him but he became abusive and intimidating screaming it was not him it was me that made it impossible for him. I did this, I didnt do that, but we all know that is crap its not my body and I dont control it, he had a medical problem that he refused to face. Since than he has refused to mention it, we sleep in seperate rooms, he spends all his time being one of the lads at the pub and he has become a total slob around the house. He seems to have lost all his pride and dignity.

Are men really this shallow, is their only sense of being tied to their ****?

Of course it is all my fault, I cared enough to try and be sensitive about his problem and what has it got me, I clearly count for nothing in this issue of his disfunctional ****, I of course could never have needs as I am just a woman. 

How do they become such tossers?

dishcloth dishcloth
36-40, F
4 Responses Aug 18, 2007

Like a lot of people here including myself working thro a different kinda **** but same feeling thing.. its better to cut your losses.. why bother ;( but then I am still here.. although he does say its his fault at least on my side not that it helps much!

Oh no I'm so sorry. My husband has issues due to a back injury and he's the other way around - he usually reassures me that it isn't me and that he's sorry .. I can tell he feels like a failure.

But it just takes patience, the more he focuses on it the more difficult it becomes. All men respond differently I think. It is sad, though, that he won't go get help.

It also makes you wonder if there are other issues... if his interest has taken a turn. Who knows. I hope you find peace in the situation though. You deserve happiness!

a man doesn't feel like much of a man if the equipment isn't working. there is no way i can explain it so you will understand. it sounds to me that your husband is severely depressed and in extreme denial. its sad that he blames you..... its not your fault, but what he needs to come to terms with is it may not be his either. he really needs to see a physician, but that would mean admiting he has a problem, not an easy thing to do.

Men ? I hate to tell you this but women can be this way also...my wife has told me all the similar things your husband has told you and more and just as hard to talk to --