From Famine to Feast to Famine

After ending a 21 year marriage six years ago, at the age of 44, I entered into a highly sexually-charged 9-month relationship with a woman ten years younger than me. I explored sexually in ways that I could only have imagined before, and found that I really enjoyed sex. Unfortunately, my girlfriend turned out to be an alcoholic & a prescription drug abuser, which led to the end of the relationship. I dated casually for about eleven months after that, enjoying sexual relationships with some of the women, and only dating some. I eventually began dating a woman in a committed relationship, and the sex was again great. We eventually bought a house, and moved in together. We were married a little over a year ago. Since we have lived together my wife's interest in intimacy has gone from occasional to infrequent to non-existent. She somewhat jokes about not having a libido, which seems to be accurate. She has, at my request, been thoroughly examined to see if it is a physical problem, but she is medically sound. She simply says that she doesn't feel the need or desire for intimacy. If it were not for her being a great, caring, supportive woman in all things other than sex, I couldn't stay in the relationship. However, we provide one another with financial security & stability, as well as a great friendship. That does not serve to satisfy my needs & desires, which, of course, puts me no the hunt for illicit affairs. Just the thought of it is arousing, but other than some on-line "affairs", which have been very explicit & exicting, I have not entered into an actual physical relationship. Yet, that is exactly what I want to find; a woman in a similar position who overall enjoys her marriage & loves her husband, but needs intimacy & friendship. Likely sounds like every guy's imagination, but unlike what I believe most other guys would do, I have truly given this thought & reflection. I am a good person & good to my wife, but I don't believe that one person can be everything in all ways to a partner. I know I can't be everything for my wife either. So, I continue to seek that "special" relationship....

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5 Responses Mar 17, 2009

I feel your frustration and understand your actions touchgasm. My wife is a great mother to our daughter and an amazingly hard worker. She does much for our marriage. And I still do love her. However, she does not understand the concept of phyical intamacy as a means of expressing emotion and love. To her, sex is simply a means of releasing sexual tension, and since our daughter was born 7 years ago, her libido has dropped to near zero hence she has no sexual tension, resulting in little sex. And when we do have sex, for her it is only about getting that ****** as fast as possible and then going to sleep. No playfulness, no passion, no excitement; just get what you need and have it done with. For a passionate person like me, that just doesn't cut it. That type of sexual experience leaves me feeling lifeless.<br />
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I too have never done anything "physical" outside of marriage, but my thoughts sure are pushing me in that direction. The fantasy of it is very exciting. Although I've yet to do anything physical, like you, I have had a recent "cyber relationship" that has really helped. Being able to comiserate with a person of the opposite sex that is in the same boat--sharing our stories--seems to provide some comfort. In addition, engaging in a little "dirty talk" and having someone find your ideas exciting does wonders for self-esteem and ego, both of which are usually crushed by a sexless or emotionless marriage.<br />
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Now is a "cyber relationship" still cheating? In my opinion, emotionally it is, and I will have to pay the moral consequences for that. I still have not decided if I will attempt a physical relationship outside of marriage. That's just a bridge I haven't been willing to cross. Yet.

Michellemorris....I am a bit older now but still if tattooed , hopefully without pain, I would be a solid number 9.5 on your passion scale.

An old love is the best love ... like aged wine <br />
New loves are exciting and make us feel young again<br />
Honesty, Compassion, Empathy, and yes, an abundance of sexual energy are all qualities we here seem to have<br />
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Choose your poison wisely ... with open eyes ... there is beauty even in the rain .. If something seems too good to be true, it usually is.


Michellemorris has of course hit the nail on the head with this comment. <br />
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It is a sorry case that women or men will marry and immediately after the nuptials find that intimacy ceases. To me it all the world nothing more than entrapment and really nothing more. It all looks so when going in but courtship for the most part is never more than a rehearsal of sorts. Every one acting to their absolute best and after the opening night the play is either a hit or a flop. <br />
Michelle is so right a tattoo or any card should be produced to portray the depth of passion that may or may not exist in the marrying couple..<br />
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Love the idea.