Broken Vows

I am truly sad. My husband seemed to find excuses not to have sex and some times we would go over a month without having sex. This has been happening for over three years.Our past sex life was wonderful, exciting, adventurous and frequent.  I became suspicious and confronted him about him having an affair. He denied it. More and more things led me to believe that he was. I went away for a three day weekend with a girlfriend and had him watched while I was gone. When I came home I found out he has been seeing two women. One relationship is sexual and has been going on for about five years. The other one is an emotional relationship. I feel hollow inside.  Now that I had the evidence he has confessed and says he wants to stay together. His attitude is hey, I confessed and said I was sorry so lets forget it and move with our life. I feel like a cannon ball has gone though my mid section and my heart.  

sparkle601 sparkle601
61-65
5 Responses Mar 18, 2009

The other book by Mira Kirshenbaum, TOO GOOD TO LEAVE/TOO BAD TO STAY is also excellent as a diagnostic tool to decide if you want to or should stay or whether you'll be healthier if you leave.<br />
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Personally, I wouldn't stand for either the sexless part or the fact that he was having not one but TWO affairs. That leaves how much attention, care, heart room for you? His bags would be packed and the divorce lawyer on speed dial.<br />
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Honey, you can always tell a cheater: if they're talking, they're lying!

He's a dirtbag! Sorry you have to go through this. Trust like that broken cannot be renewed! What kills me most about cheaters is the don't have the guts to talk about thier issues FIRST!!!!!

Sounds like he doesn't want to be married. I would like to suggest you read a book by Mira Kirshenbaum, WHEN GOOD PEOPLE HAVE AFFAIRS. I think it will help you sort through some stuff.<br />
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Best wishes

How disappointing for you and my hope for you to heal.<br />
Something happened that changed your satisfying sex life. How long have you been married to this man? Have you had problems with your marriage in the past?<br />
You suspected that he was being dishonest with you when the sex pattern changed ... and he has. <br />
Suggest you seek a therapist to help you sort and deal with this new reality in your life.<br />
Stay strong and be true to yourself. <br />
<br />
Blessings,

hummm got caught with the ****** in the cookie jar.. Sorry about your situation, but please do not "just forget about it" as trust has to be built back. If he is willing to do counseling, you two have a good chance if he or you are not, there is not much to save as your hearts are not in the relationship.<br />
So do you want to forgive him and move on with the marriage?<br />
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Food for thought in your pain.<br />
<br />
cs