Many Many Moons Ago

through no fault of her own my wife just is very uncomfortable with sex phycically and emotionally.  She does not even like to talk about it.  Are intamacy stopped many years ago.  I still love her and we are like really good friends.  We have been married for 25years.  And yes I still love the idea of sex and all that goes with it.  But I made a commitment to her those long years ago and plan on keeping it.

allofus allofus
46-50, M
7 Responses Mar 19, 2009

I do understand why my wife has difficulty physcialy with sex and have a basic understanding of why emotionally she is reluctant for sex. There are alot of things in the mix. Unfortunatly it is not a counselor type thing to fix. We have tried some medical things but they just did not fix this particular problem. If she could overcome these obstacales she would gladly do so but they are not going to goaway. but thank you all for your care and support. It is just good (while sad) to know that others go through similar situations as me.

Maybe it would be worth trying some kind of counselling or therapy as a couple, it's admirable that you have stuck by your wife but surely you'd both be happier if the issue was resolved rather than ignored.

I understand completly. My husband and I have no sex life and there are other issues with it as well. I also love my husband and understand being comitted to the marriage. Staying is much more difficult than leaving. I live with the fight within myself every day.

Let me clarify that I do not consider my situtation normal in any sense of the word. Nor is it easy. I do not wish this on anyone male or female. But this is how my life is and I try and deal with it the best I can. I have really good friends some very reliegous who have spoken to me over the years of leaving such a relationship. While it may be downright difficult there have been some real positive moments being married to the woman I am married to. Do not emulate me just know that for some it can work even if you are sex starved and they are not.

You are indeed a noble, thoughtful, responsible man but taking a oath of celibacy was, I believe, not part of the marriage vows. At least not in my faith.<br />
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I am pleased that you have found this easy but you must realize from the countless other stories that abound here that you are not the norm. <br />
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I am sorry to say that your comments seem to suggest that you are the norm and that we should in some way emulate your lifestyle. I cannot speak for others but without physical intimacy in marriage I do not consider it a marriage at all.<br />
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I wish you continued bliss.

That's fine but it also means the deeper issue causing this is going unresolved. She should seek personal counseling about it.

Parker that's great.