One of the Group

Sad to know that I'm not the only one out there who is in a sexless marriage.  We had our first child 2 years ago and it was before then that things were going down hill.  I don't think that I'm shallow, but I don't find my Wife that attractive anymore, she now weighs more then 20lbs then me.  I used to do 'all the work' in the bed (you know what I mean) but now I don't anymore and we are no longer intimitate. 

I love my son and I will always love my wife (although more in the brother-sister way now) so I don't really want to leave (and leave to goto what...)

Nice to vent, take care all, all comments are welcome

S.

sanman17 sanman17
36-40
4 Responses Mar 20, 2009

A reply to Ashley<br />
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Hey your going to post your comments, I should get a chance to respond....<br />
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This doesn't make you shallow..it makes you a bad husband!<br />
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Your wife is your wife. She is the mother of your children..and the woman has sacrificed her body in doing so. How about instead of being completely negative and treating her as if she has a contagious disease simply because she has gained weight..why don't you try maybe helping her eat healthier, get active..SUPPORT and ENCOURAGE her!!?!? <br />
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to respond....<br />
It's pretty common knowledge that diet and exercise are the two most imporant parts to maintaing a healthy weight. I have tried to help her eat healthier, I have stopped doing the grocery shopping (because apparently all I ever bought was crap) and now she does it. There are less chips around the house, but still no noticeable difference. I can't control what she eats when I'm not around. For exercise, I go for a walk each evening and she is always invited to come with us, she ususally declines. I have asked her if she would like to join a team or a group sport, but she has no interest. I have tried to encourage and support, but there has been little or no progess.<br />
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Or god forbid..simply realize that NOBODY is perfect. <br />
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I can only agree with you on this point.<br />
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Also...did you stop to think that there are TONS of people on here who are the OTHER person in your story..the one having sex withheld..or dwindling?<br />
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This also true for me, it's really a two way street of neither person being interested or having the desire to 'move things forward'. When anything does happen, I really don't even enjoy the experience anymore<br />
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You really are quite ridiculous.<br />
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Judge not less ye be judged hon<br />
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I think I may try and take Chloe's advice, she will probably laugh me out of the room when I suggest coucelling, but at least I can say that I tried

Chloe, great response. Start peeling away those la<x>yers and start giving your relationship a fair chance. <br />
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Good luck!

i think that while i can agree with some of the points raised in the previous two responses to your post, i do feel that they were perhaps overly harsh. i think that this could be due to the fact that most of us on this site feel great rejection and anger towards our partners and can fall into the trap of criticizing others who remind us remotely of our own partners. so don't take it too personal.<br />
i am also a woman in a sexless marriage (my husband has no sexual interest in me at all, even though our relationship is almost perfect in every other way) and it hurts like hell.<br />
this kind of situation you find yourself in happens in so many marriages. While being so "normal" it is still a massive problem and i can understand you must be hurt. It sounds to me like you had a sex life before the problems started, so that tells me that maybe your marriage has a chance at being saved. the problem is not that you live in a sexless marriage, but that some other problem has caused it and that is what you have to sort out. i know that it is really difficult to put your pride in your pocket and that it is hard to "be the better person", but i think that if you really want to give your marriage a fair chance, then that is exactly what you will have to do. the two of you will have to find seek marriage counselling or see a therapist together. i know that men often are opposed to this, but it may really help your wife becuase it will show her you care enough about the relationship to go to this effort (sometimes this small gesture is all it takes to clear the road to recovery!). having a third party witness the commitment to change from both of you, will also hold you responsible to this commitment: you will be held accountable by someone outside of the marriage: this forces you both to work at it. i think you owe this to not only your wife, but also to yourself and your child. if you leave them, or even cheat on your partner (as so many people do) without really giving it your all, you may regret it in the years to come. if you leave, at least know that you did everything you possibly could from your side. that will take a hell of a lot of character because you will have to put away your own feelings of hurt and anger to be able to fix this. tell her you love her and want to fix the relationship and tell her that you see that she is also unhappy and that you want things to change. <br />
if you have given your all and it still doesnt work, then at least you know you did the right thing.<br />
good luck. i hope you are able to sort out your relationship, and if not, i that you will still find happiness in the future.

This doesn't make you shallow..it makes you a bad husband!<br />
<br />
Your wife is your wife. She is the mother of your children..and the woman has sacrificed her body in doing so. How about instead of being completely negative and treating her as if she has a contagious disease simply because she has gained weight..why don't you try maybe helping her eat healthier, get active..SUPPORT and ENCOURAGE her!!?!? Or god forbid..simply realize that NOBODY is perfect. Also...did you stop to think that there are TONS of people on here who are the OTHER person in your story..the one having sex withheld..or dwindling?<br />
<br />
You really are quite ridiculous.