Will Tonight Be the Night?gether.

 I have been in a sexless marriage for a year and a half.

 I am of Eastern descent, so my marriage was fast and sort of set-up. We have been married for 8 yrs and we have one child together. The marriage was great, the sex was great...then my child was born, and I felt my husband distant himself. 

He started working nights 2 yrs ago....comes home around 2 am daily. Claimed that the morning light through our window was too bright, so he started sleeping in the guest bedroom. Sometimes I'd smell alcohol on him when he comes home from work, but he says I'm imagining things.

I figured since he was not interested in sex, perhaps he was having an affair. So I started snooping through his stuff to find an answer....something I can blame. A receipt for mid-afternoon meal at a ***** club..."A client really wanted to try the food there...I had to go with him..." Credit card bill with a transaction to a club during a day/time he was supposed to be at work..."that must be some kind of credit card mistake..."One day, I appeared at his work site, and he wasn't there, so I called him on his cell and he stated "I am busy at work, what's going on?"...


Four months ago, I told him I was leaving him. I was tired of playing cat and mouse. I was tired of having strangers compliment me, make advances at me...while my husband treated me a like sister....

He begged me for another chance. He was going to move back into our bedroom. He was going to see a urologist (blames the "problem" on stress). Blah...Blah...long story short...four months later, nothing has changed.

I love him, and I hate to break up our family. But he is obviously bored w/ what he has at home....so why is he holding on to me? 

I am waiting for him to come home..tonight will probably be the night...

Wish me luck and strength.... 

Destiny8 Destiny8
3 Responses Mar 21, 2009

I agree about giving him a deadline. I also think he needs to get a physical as a starting point to be sure there is not an underlying medical condition, and I think he should be doing it asap.<br />
If you give him a dealine you have to stick to it. Which can be difficult,especially when they start to play on our heart.<br />
Bottom line if he truly loves you he would want to do something about it, find out what and why. He would have done it awhile ago.<br />
Be strong for yourself, and your child. Look into your own heart and find what it is you need. If he is not willing to help you reach those needs, maybe he is not the person for you.<br />
Know when things get difficult this site and the people here will always be there for you.

Thank you for your support...<br />
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After telling him last night that I plan to leave him, and we should discuss separation, my husband began to share his true feelings. He states to me that he has not felt any sexual desire for a while, not for me and not for any other person. He says he knows that if he goes to the doctor, that they will give him meds, and that he feels like this is only a phase...that will pass. That he feels bad for his inadequacy....and hence the lack of intimacy which he feels may lead to my expecting sex from him.<br />
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So....I thought, hmmm.....this is a different approach. I definately don't take marriage lightly, and don't want to give up quickly....perhaps there is hope...<br />
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What bothered me was his lack of passion as he confessed his feelings. It seemed like it didn't bother him that this was happening to him, because I'll tell you right now, if I woke up tomorrow having no desire for sex (because I am pretty much into it always) I would definitely be concerned that I couldn't enjoy one of life's best things....<br />
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We both asked each other "what now? how do we solve this ?"

He probably does not want to pay child support or sell the current home to afford another for each of you, I have not posted my story yet as I'm on my mobile and just joined, but suffice to say I wish I had a wife who wanted sex!