Letting Go and Saying Good By to "I Live In a Sexless Marriage"

I think that this will be the last story that I write.

I guess the reason that I am writing it is both to encourage those how are not wanting to leave their marriage that there is a (all be it small) possibility of change, and also for a sense of closure for a very sad and lonely chapter in my life.

If you care to read my other stories I lived with my wife for ten years, the last seven of which were "sexless". i.e maybe sex once a year at best?

Since I last wrote that my wife decided after six months in sex therapy that she was ready to start have sex again we have been having sex about once a week for the last six weeks.

Yes, it is still a little staged, but is it getting better each time. Yes we still have to pre-plan the day a couple of days in advance so she maintains her sense of control over it.

We are both getting over the sense of awkwardness of it and insecurities. And after the first couple of times that weren't so good, we are beginning to have fun.

Sure we have a way to go. I am bit by bit able to trust in her when she says that she is committed to remain sexual again. She still needs to work on dealing with the sense of panic that physical intimacy can stir up in her.

For the first time in years there is a sense of balance in our relationship. A calmness and connection that I had forgotten about.

I don't really know whether the sex-therapy it self has made a difference (except for a neutral party taking away that "cold-war stand off" that had built up around the subject of sex), rather than her seeing my resolve to change our relationship. Maybe she was just at a point where she was able to change. Maybe all things.

One thing that I do believe. If your partners are willing to change things they can. Don't be afraid to stand up for your needs, they are valid and important. It is not worth living like we have been, on and on.

take care and good luck.


warwick warwick
36-40, M
6 Responses Mar 21, 2009

congratulations! it's comforting to know that some things can change....<br />
thanks for taking the time to post it!

wonderful congrats.. could it be that she was not hung up on sex, but a change in sex??

Wow! Therapy worked? You know the riddle "How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?" Answer : "One, but the bulb really has to WANT to change!"

Happy for you warwick. I hope your marriage continues to improve.

Congratulations. I or we hope everything works out for you. Maybe you could come back in sometime and keep us posted how you are progressing. <br />
<br />
Good luck

I am glad for you.....I hope that it really works out for the two of you....We all deserve to have a love life.....With the one that we really love....and want to live our life with