Where Do I Begin

I have been with my husband for 14 yrs now and we will soon celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary.

Before our marriage, sex was incredible, amazing even at some point. After our wedding everything went sour. We simply drifted away or so it seems from my point of view.

For the past 37 months we haven't had any sex and in the past 10 years and a half we only made love 35 times. At the beginning I thought it was me who was asking too much, but then I started realising that maybe something was wrong with him.

Whenever I wanted to get close to him, he would push me away, the reasons varying from it's too hot to not right not, don't feel like it.

We don't hug, kiss (except little kisses on the lips, very casual), cuddle and we never spoon in bed. It's not a situation that you yell out loud and up until today I didn't know that there were so many people in the same situation.

We don't have any kids and no house. I have been in therapy for the past 4 yrs and I am starting to realise what I am worth. For the first time in my life I am taking charge of certain aspect of my life. But whenever I think of leaving, I think that my finances are not as strong as I would like and I chicken out.

I have asked him to go see a doctor to get checked out, I didn't think it was normal for a 30 something man to be unable to get an erection. He has gone but he stalls and make excuses... he says he tried the little blue pills the doctor gave him (alone) and it did nothing. He refuses couples therapy and is not in a big hurry to make it work. In the meantime I suffer alone and I get frustrated. I thought of seeing someone on the side but I am afraid it will only make things worse. But I have a very healthy sexual appetite and it's not satisfied.

Sometimes I wish that a white knight in a shining armor will sweep me up my feet and make me happy for the rest of my life.

Sometimes it seems it's too hard and there is no escape or solution.

I hope to find happiness again with him or without him, but I want to be happy!

Reborn28 Reborn28
2 Responses Mar 22, 2009

Thank you for your words of encouragement!<br />
<br />
Up until yesterday I thought I was an exception in this predicament, now I know I am not and it encourages me...<br />
<br />
Hope you get all the sparks that you need and that you'll find happiness and great LOVE!<br />
<br />
Hugs<br />
<br />
Reborn28 XXX

I hear you Reborn. Been waiting myself for something to spark some bravery for a long time. You sound a lot like me. Its funny but every time I get our finances straightened out where I could leave her, I chicken out. I hope you find your knight or the answer you are seeking. It can be tough but remember you can lean on us. :-)