Worried About My Marriage

I have been married now for 8 years.  I love my wife.  I would not and will not ever cheat on her.  I cannot believe this has happened to us, but we now have a sexless marriage at the ages of 31 and 27.  I am 31 and I am the high desire partner and I cannot bring up the subject again because I am emotionally tired from being shot down; it has been 4 months and for some of you I know that is nothing but I have a feeling this is not going to stop anytime soon. 

Let me set the stage for you.  I was always a big guy, and my wife was never skinny at least not as long as I have known her.  I didn't want her to be, I always have found larger women more attractive.  I got hurt 10 years ago when we were first dating and we both got bigger and lazier.  We have both lost weight and gained it back, and lost it and gained it back but we always managed to maintain a semi sexual relationship, having intercourse at least once a month. 

Last summer I hurt m back again and I slipped into a deep depression and gained a bit of weight again.  My wife at the same time discovered she was diabetic and she started changing the way she ate, then at Thanksgiving she had lap band surgery, a process that scares me to death, seriously, I can start crying at the idea of going to a hospital.  I had some really bad experiences in hospitals.  Thus was the last time we had sex.  She is getting her health back and I wasn’t.  So at the end of January she told me, thanks to a therapist who has made this all my fault and it was mostly, that she would leave me if I didn't get undressed, and get my health in check.  I didn't support her through all her Lifestyle changes and she resents me for that. 

So I have gotten rid of 71 pounds now, and I have started on an antidepressant, and am really happy now, except when I see my wife naked or in a skimpy outfit, or if were watching anything on TV that has anything to do with sex, which nowadays is just about everything.  I know that if I broach the subject she will just turn me down and I can’t live with the rejection anymore.  I want her to love me again and forgive me for being so unsupportive during her new lifestyle.  I want her to see how much I have changed, but I know she still sees the unsupportive bastard that was self destructing just a few months ago.  I write this as she lies next to me in bed, and every night I pray to God that she will someday look upon me as someone she can be attracted to again.


2357Jim 2357Jim
2 Responses Mar 24, 2009

I agree absolutely with TinkerDill.<br />
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It sounds like you are both making major changes in your lifes and now is the ideal time to join back together rather than going down different roads.<br />
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You are both going to have to be brutally honest about what you want from life and each other. And then you are going to have to respect that.<br />
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I wish you both the very, very best of luck

Therapy. For both of you as individuals, and as a couple.<br />
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"Rekindling Desire" A step by step guide for couples in no sex or sexless marriages. <br />
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First you and your wife have to talk honestly about whether you both want to save your marriage. It sounds like you have enough love to rebuilt your bond and forge an even deeper one. But you've got to start talking!<br />
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You and your therapist should also deal with your fear of hospitals. Not that your fear is unfounded, but left untreated you may find yourself unable to get lifesaving preventative care as you grow older because your fear has become so deeply rooted with in you.<br />
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Good luck!