My Intent

I wrote a story about the best sex I ever had and I am afraid that I pushed some of my dear friends emotional buttons by writing it.  This was not my intent and I apologize for this.  I was expressing my feelings about something that happened a long time ago.  A tribute to a man that loved me and gave me a precious gift that day and so many more days in my life.  This memory and his continuing friendship helps me deal with my empty marriage. 

I was talking with my best friend today and I told her about my story and she said something to me that makes a lot of sense.  She told me that it is a rare thing that two people connect in every way.  We all have differences and this is what makes us marvelous and unique.  Finding common ground to build and sustain any relationship is hard. 

There are good reasons that this man and I never ended up together.  He went back to his wife for the sake of his children and I respected him for this.  We both cried when we ended and he was so torn and I had to let him go.  I loved him to much to force him to make a decision for I could never have lived with myself.  His children and their welfare were what was the most important consideration at that time. 

Eventually he got a divorce because his marital problems could not be rectified and we ran into each other while he was once again separated some years later.  I knew he still loved me but I could not take another heartbreak so we parted as good friends. Then we lost touch for a lot of years.  I would hear bits and pieces  about him from mutual friends.  He traveled all over the states with his job, living out west a lot.

A few years ago he asked his sister to look me up and find my phone number and she called me.  I was very surprised but happy.  We started a phone friendship and he retired and lives about two hours away from me.  I went up to finally see him after about a year and we had a great time.  It was as if the years since we had last met melted away and we laughed and spent time riding through the mountains where I took pictures for my artwork.  I visit him when I can and it is always a great time but we now have a wonderful friendship with no expectations for more.  

Is he the man I should have spent all these years with?  It is too late for this answer but we enjoy this closeness that is filled with mutual respect and so much laughter.  Support and kindness.  He is used to being alone and I understand his need for this.  We have shared a mutual joy and love for nature and the outdoors.  There is always something to talk about.  We can discuss anything without fear of being criticized or judged.  Our friendship is always a give and take. 

If any of you have wondered what happened to us, this is where things are now.  He is the man that made the biggest difference in my life.  The man who taught me to slow down and appreciate what is around me.  Every year when I hear the spring peepers calling out in the wetlands behind my house, I think about him and how we celebrated this first sign of spring.  Every fall I go off and sit in the woods and get very quiet.  Did you know that you can hear the leaves as they fall?  Each one makes a gentle sound as they hit the ground.  He taught me to hear this and I think of him every time the trees turn scarlet and golden. 

He was the person that first encouraged me to make a career with my art and he made frames for my first pieces.  I remember how excited I was when one of them sold and we celebrated this first step in my many years as an artist.  Every time I would  drive back from a show throughout the years, I would look at the sunset and give a prayer of thanks to him for believing in me.  He taught me how to truly live my life without fear of failure.  To keep trying no matter how dark things became for me.  Even now he will not take any credit for my success.  Tells me that it was always in me to succeed and all he did was show me the way.  That I needed to believe in myself first.  He was right.


dartist dartist
56-60, F
15 Responses Mar 24, 2009

Dartist,<br />
Thanks for sharing this story. So many times we don't realize what an influence a person has in our lives. <br />
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I can understand your comment about not wanting to be mean to someone. I was raised in an alcoholic environment as well. My father left when I was very young, and I spent many years pouring my Mother into her bed, after she had gotten drunk, making sure she didn't burn down the house because she always fell asleep with a lit cigarette in her hand. I am now her caregiver as she declines with alzheimer's. Although my memories of my childhood are not particularly "happy" ones, I could never dream of treating her with anything but respect and kindness.

People of his kind are so rare.... I can now understand why you still feel lucky in spite all the bad things you have to deal with... I guess anyone having had such a friendship and met such a person has good reasons to consider themself not only lucky, but even privileged, no matter how bad the rest of things in their life are.... I can now understand why you were feeling extremely blessed.... just the blessing you deserve!

Yes I married and I have two lovely grown children ,a son and a daughter, who are both engaged to people that I dearly love. Thank you for asking.<br />
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Also a friend here just told me that people are looking for my story "Warm Spring Rain" and do not know where to find it. I didn't know where to put this as it is different than my other stories so I decided in the "Had the Best Sex Ever" stories but it is so much more than a best sex story. It is an experience shared by two people that loved and cherished each other. As my wonderful friend Magners told me "This is not erotic literature. This is literature that is erotic". Thank you M. You always keep me honest!

My Husband was a abuser so I am still healing from him,but now that it has been a short while away from him,I no longer despise men as much :) I have reconnected with men who were my friends in the past and they still are some of my "best friends".No more relationships for me that are of the romantic sort just friendships.Sounds like you do have it together too.Did you ever marry, and have kids?

I am happy that you understand my intent here. Thanks for getting back to me. I know what you mean about women who give men all of the credit in their lives. This man was my guide in many ways but I made my success on my own. He gave me encouragement and takes none of the credit. One of the reasons that I wrote the stories about him is that I have lately grown to realize how much he means to me. How much a part of each others lives we truly are. <br />
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What is different about our relationship is that both of us stand alone in our accomplishments and our lives. I don't need him to exist and he doesn't need me either. We are both strong and opinionated individuals and we have butted heads more than once. And then we just laugh and appreciate our differences.

I have met too many women who give a man credit for everything that they now are.I apologise I thought you were one of them. Women who give men every credit for who they are now makes me cringe.I now understand what you mean though.Take care :)

Truly a beautiful story about how people really do impact our lives. Sometimes we can stay with them or be with them, but they reside in our hearts and our minds.<br />
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You are a kind and loving person.

In regards to the comment about my parents and the man that I just had an affair with? I am not upset at your comment as you do not know me or what my childhood was like. <br />
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My father died when I was twelve. He was an alcoholic and my earliest memories of him was watching while he jammed a loaded pistol into my mother's mouth breaking her front teeth. Seeing him grab my mother's beautiful long hair while he held a knife to her throat as he demanded more money that she had hidden so he could gamble it away. <br />
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After my father died, my mother took her anger and frustration out on me. I was told that I was a burden and fat and clumsy and that her life would be better without me. That she was ashamed of me. She would leave me alone in an empty house while she went out to have her fun and I would sit there terrified that she had also died and left me without any parent at all. <br />
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I want you to know something about me. Even though I went through what no child should ever have to endure, I still loved my parents. And I forgave them for what they did. They had their demons to battle in life. <br />
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My father started going to A.A. before he died and he changed his life. Sadly I never knew him as my being an adult and I regret this so much. My mother died nine years ago and I became her caregiver during her last days. She told me that she did not understand why I was kind and loving after what I had been through and I replied, "Why would I want to be a mean person?" Kindness and loving is a choice. Meanness is a choice. <br />
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Before you judge anyone it is important to know what road that person has traveled in this life. Unless you walk in a person's footsteps it is not anyone's right to judge another. Besides the Bible tells us that God will be our ultimate judge and cautions us to not judge others. <br />
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You boiled me down to a woman that gave no credit for my life but to a man that I had an affair with. He was and still is a great influence for me. I am a better human being for knowing him. I am a better human being for knowing so many good and kind people. I am a better human being for choosing to live my life treating others with dignity and respect. <br />
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I wrote this not to chastise you but to try and help you realize that judging others may close a door to some very fine and good people who are accepting and kind. I have made friends here from all kinds of backgrounds and life styles. We celebrate our differences and encourage each other with kind words and thoughtful messages. <br />
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I am glad that you wrote your comment for I might not have been led to write this reply otherwise. So I am grateful to you for expressing yourself and I hope that you might look at others with a kinder eye and an open heart.

Thank you all so much! I sometimes feel that my stories are kind of like a lament of what is lacking in my life. I wanted to share a part of my life that was and is so good. I look at my relationship with this special man as a tapestry woven with the threads of experiences through so many years now. I have wanted to write a story about our relationship for a long time. To let people know that I was loved with such joy and good will and passion. <br />
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Thirty years ago I knitted a scarf for this man. I had little money and I wanted to give him a Christmas present that I made with my own two hands. Because he has always been a hunter I selected shades that would compliment his passion for true sportsmanship. I remember when he opened my gift. He was so happy that he had tears in his eyes.<br />
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When I finally saw him a few years ago after so long, he walked back to his bedroom after telling me how important I still was to him and brought this scarf out and gave it to me. I sat there looking at it in amazement! He had treasured my gift for all those years. Took it with him all over the country and never forgot me. I remember putting it up to my face and I could smell his clean scent on it. Then I cried so hard because this special man still loved me in a way that had stood the test of time. <br />
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When I next see him, I am going to show him my story and your comments so that he can see how his love for me has touched others. He was so instrumental in making me the woman that I am today.

Not your parents? Just a man you met and had a affair with?

I was so moved by your beautiful tribute. How wonderful to have someone so special in your life, that you connect so deeply with. Imagine what it would be like if we all had a friendship like this in our lives!!!!!

I understand your attraction to this man ... one that has been formed out of love and caring that surpasses any superficial marriage arrangement. You have a natural relationship with a person that has endured the test of time. What a blessings for both of you to still have such a warm companionship. <br />
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Life is rarely this good and you are one of the nicest people here on EP. Always willing to lend an ear and concerned about others that are feeling pain in their marriages. You take your life into your own hands and make the best out of what has been dealt to you. <br />
I admire your sense of living and wanting to breathe in all the joy you can have. <br />
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Blessings and continued peace of mind ... it's the best medicine in the world .. to have a friend such as yours to ease the bad day and the cloudy sky turning it into precious moments of happiness.

thanks for sharing that. it was full of such sincerity and genuine happiness. there is a lot of sadness around here, so it is nice to read something like this.

I am planning on seeing him soon and will share this story with him . Thank you for acknowledging what this man has meant to me. He is so different than any other person I have known. Comes across as gruff at times but he has a gentle heart that I know very well. I cannot imagine my life without hearing his voice and seeing his face. I will tell him all of this and share my story with him. Thanks again.

Dartist, <br />
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Don't know about the other (best sex) story, don’t need to. I'm starting fresh with this one. This is a beautiful love story, endured over time, and has taken different forms given where each of you are in life. <br />
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I think you should send this post to him, to tell him you appreciate the person he is and has had an important affect on your life and you cherish what you have together. Tell him! You two have a special relationship!