My Wife Is Fadeing Away..

Hi. well my story is that my wife and i seem to have fallin into the Two ships that pass in the night, group. We have been with each other for almost 16 years she is older than myself. i am between 35 & 40 and she is between 40 &45. i still crave sex with her but she is not interested. we went from all the time to once or twice a week, to ... well you get the picture, now we go months with out and when she gives in it feels like she is doing it out of pitty. i really love her but i feel alone and she gets upset when i start to bring it up. She blames it on stress but i have the same stress that she does and that excuse makes me angry. my wife also suffers from thyroid problems so she is also on meds that claim they may slow sex drive so once she heard that she had one more excuse too use. i admit that i am not perfect at all i have screwed up badly and almost lost her befor we where married and cheated on her and she found out. we decided to try to work it out and went to a marriage counciler, we then got married going on six years now. and i have been faithful sence. she has quit beating me up about the afair but i haven't not a day goes by that i don't think about what i did and think about what a piece of crap ! i am for doing it. but back to the problem at hand. i want the girl i met almost 16 years ago. i am tired of being my own sex partner.. please help....

selfsexpartner selfsexpartner
36-40
4 Responses Mar 25, 2009

We all long for the heated passion of the animal lust that drew us together in the first place. But the age difference is not the problem or the medication. It IS the trust. You can do most anything to a woman that loves you completely without reserves and she will forgive you. But you took the most valued thing from her and that is her trusting you with her heart. She is broken and the passion dies slowly but it dies. You forget that she is wounded and you have dismissed it in your mind. Yet it lingers in hers. And the times you showered her with affection made her feel special and wanted. But now you're only nice when you want sex. When's the last time you held her hand as you walked into a store. or the last time you just held her while the two of you watched a movie or drifted of to sleep. That's love my friend not just sex

I am on thyroid medication, and if it is lowering your wife's sex drive, then the dose is wrong... It had the opposite affect on me... Unfortunately...<br />
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When I take the correct dose to correct my thyroid issues, maintain my energy level and overall health, my sex drive is pretty healthy too.<br />
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That said... the misery involved in getting caught cheating is what keeps a lot of us here at sexless marriage central on the straight and narrow...<br />
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zorbas is right - there's no point grieving for the past, though I do at times too... You have to look to the future and decide what you are going to do so that you can live the best life possible for you...<br />
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You don't want to be looking back 15 or 20 years from now and wishing you had done something...<br />
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the rest of your life starts today...

I really hate to say it, but I think I agree with Zorbas.

I welcome your ship to our Sargasso Sea , the resting place of all such foundered ships of the sexless married state. There are many of us here, like you, who are both in a perpetual state of self gratification and self analysis. <br />
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Some may wonder what went wrong but in your case it is apparent that breaking a trust some years ago is still affecting your relationship. While things like cheating are easily forgiven they are never forgotten. i It has as you say, been 16 years since that episode but it looks athough it still lurks about even now. It will probably continue to affect you both forever, particularly when illness of any other rough period occurs.<br />
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I sincerely feel for you but pinning for another time will not change anything and simply make you more miserable, as you recall a path that you might have taken back then. <br />
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I too often look back to better relationships when my marriage seems overpowering but realize that what has gone is gone and one cannot relive any part of one' life again.<br />
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You profess love for your spouse and that is laudatory but I am sure that in time if this impasse continues that affection will diminish and turn to disdain or worse. Life passes quickly and I would suggest that you go to a plan B if one exists.