Just Dont Want It

hi i am 29 years old been married 8 years and have 2 children. it seems for the last 2 years im just not into sex at all. for some reason it seems that it disgust me. to think of sex makes me sick and when people talk about it i feel sick. what is wrong with me im scared my husband will cheat because i dont have sex with him. when i do have sex its for his pleasure not mine and then im like a corpse, dont move or anything just want it to be over. whats wrong with me nothing bad sexually has happend to me to make sex turn me off

me2hott me2hott
7 Responses Mar 25, 2009

Hi metohott<br />
I am the same as you and its not a nice situation to be in when you love your husband so much. I have tried about 7 different doctors 1 of which referred me to a therapist who was crap - been referred to hospital load of crap - just recently i come off the pill and it has made a slight difference but contraception is the problem now. I am currently in the process of getting blood took for harmone levels but my doctor said this is unlikely the problem (i am praying it is) he says if it is i would need to go to hospital to find out why my levels are low. If its not low harmone's he says he will refer me to an expert. So fingers crossed I might have an answer to pass onto you. <br />
Your not alone, and try not let any nasty comments on here hurt you as it did me, at least we are acting on our feelings / problems.<br />
take care<br />
Masai<br />

What a mysterious and sad condition revulsion for sex is and a book i have read maintains almost half of all women suffer from it. i am married to such a woman and i do not know the answer. both man and woman have to agree to a fix. My wife is happier without it although she told me if I really, truly must have it to be happy, she'll give it to me. <br />
Such a comment turns me off. I guess I do not feel truly loved and that hurts. She is a wonderful mother and grandmother and she did want kids and we had 5. Now...nothing doing, thank you. She refuses counseling and will not talk about it. It must be me but she says it isn;'t. I MUST HAVE THE RELEASE AND PLEASURE and solitaire is the only game in town. Good Mental health requires loving and sexual satisfaction...I read in a medical journal. As far as I know, there is no cure except finding love and satisfaction elsewhere but I can not dream of hurting my wife by being unfaithful. Besides, divorce is not an option because neither of us could live on half of what our assets total and it seems that's the law. good luck. God bless and endure the unpleasant situation.

One thing that hasn't been asked - does your husband take your pleasure into account? If not, then that could be why sex is such a turn off. <br />
<br />
The fact that you're asking the question is a really good sign and the other posts are correct: if your husband does want sex more than you, it will become a big issue that starts to poison your relationship in many ways.<br />
<br />
I strongly suggest you talk to your doctor so see if there is a physiological cause for the lack of desire. I'd also suggest talking to your husband to see if it bothers him. If it does then knowing that you are willing to talk about it and want to do something about it will help him deal with it (I know I could handle it much better if my wife acknowledged that there is a problem and wanted to work through it).

All that has been said here has a great value and you should take it to mind. <br />
<br />
Although I have little medical knowledge on this I do wonder if your childbearing has had an adverse effect physiologically, creating a hormonal imbalance or such. <br />
<br />
If this is not the case, I fear that you should take a step back and view ob<x>jectively what about your husband turns you off from sexual relations.. <br />
<br />
You have not mentioned how active a sex life or interest in sex you had just before or during the early years of your marriage. If you had a disinterest of any degree back than I can assure you that your husband has been poorly served by marrying you. <br />
<br />
Unfortunately, with two children now on hand , your responsibilities to them are the priority. It is a shame that sex is such a turnoff for you and I say this only that it is just a matter of time that your attitude will cause heart ache, disillusionment and disdain. I see this marriage and family facing some awkward and dangerous times.<br />
<br />
Unless your husband will acquiesce to your lack of response and compromise to a life of semi celibacy it will not last and more is the pity.<br />
<br />
It took courage to expose yourself in this manner here and that is most laudatory. I do wish you well in solving this dilemma.

I doubt that any of us here in the sexless marriage group have a short answer for you or else we wouldn't be in this group, however I applaud your effort to search out an answer before it becomes an insurmountable issue in your relationship with your husband. It is a tired old line, but have you thought about what was interesting and exciting with your husband when you had an interest in sex? We all change. We age, our bodies change, what excites us changes, but finding and maintaining an infatuation for our spouse is the secret to a long and passionate marriage. The emphasis here is realizing how you can maintain a long relationship. That makes it all worth the effort. Believe me, I wish my wife had done this for me.

Figure out what is wrong, whether physical, hormonal, psychological. No sex and intimacy in a marriage, is a marriage killer period!<br />
<br />
If after all is said and done you still hate sex and don't want to have it with your husband, then set him free to find someone who wants and desires him. Long term rejection is the most cruel and disabling thing you can do to another person.<br />
<br />
I know my words sound harsh, but don't take this lightly. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you find the answers you seek. Read our stories.

Have you went to see your doctor? x