What Is Sexless???

Is having sex once a month considered sexless?  I'm a sexual person and need to have sex more often. 

deleted deleted
26-30
10 Responses Mar 27, 2009

As others have said there are 'artificial' measures for what constitutes a 'sexless marriage'. The key is you aren't happy with your sex life with your wife. I'm assuming you have discussed this with your wife? You haven't given us many details to provide advice against, but we all will obviously respect your privacy and feelings if you cannot divulge more information. Beware the 'downward spiral' into a truly sexless marriage. Many of us including myself have gone years without having sex with our spouses and you do NOT want to join us in our little club. I would suggest immediate conversation with your wife followed up by counseling if she seems resistant to communication. Unfortunately, if your 'refuser' (a term we tend to use to describe the person in the relationship who refuses sex/intimacy) doesn't want to change they won't. At that point, you have some very difficult decisions ahead of you I'm afraid. Either way... good luck and you're certainly welcome to be part of our forum as it does most definitely help you understand and deal with the situation.

Hope this is getting better for you and your spouse! As for me it has been 2x (might be on the high side) this year. Motorman7253 had commented after so many rejections the attraction does leave, so true. Longtimesexless mentioned the “frustration, anger, depression, resentment, and finally total seperation of body, mind, and soul.” I can’t agree enough with that ! Ladynija explained some of the reasons those feelings are felt.<br />
<br />
It is sad that we all have had to go through this issue.

I am not sure if you have considered professional counseling. Sometimes that is very useful as well as various self-help books for low sex marriages. <br />
<br />
Good luck.

Staying for the sake of the children is a double edged sword. True, children do not like their parents to split up and most would prefer to see their parents stay together regardless of what is occurring in the marital relatiionship.<br />
<br />
But staying together teaches your children some life lessons which you would probably rather they did NOT learn. These include:<br />
it is Ok for one partner's needs (or wishes) to dominate those of the other partner<br />
it is OK for two people to live together unhappily<br />
<br />
Because you give little detail in your story it is not possible to know if there are other issues. But do please give some thought to whether it is REALLY in your children's best interests to stay in an unhappy marriage.<br />
<br />
I wish you well.

Technically you're in a "low sex" marriage and without change NOW you're likely to dip quickly into sexless.<br />
<br />
Analyze what's different. Did you used to have sex more frequently. Has your spouse become more stressed, kids a problem? Are (dare I suggest) having an emotional or physical affair and they just can't bear to split themselves between lovers?<br />
<br />
Anyway, a calm sit down talk is indicated. At a time where there are NO distractions, and no ambushes laid.<br />
<br />
Good luck.

welcome to the club. Did u give up yet? After so many turn downs you're not even attracted anymore.

And for me...Its been 4 years....yes Years. I can't even touch her without her brushing me off. If I was younger...I would leave no question. <br />
<br />
The only reason I stay married...is because if I left...she would rape me of half my poension....our savings...and my home.

Once a month? You lucky man! It has been a whole season for me! Yes 3 months! I am a healthy, beautiful fit 33 year old woman and I did not believe that this would happen to me! Not even as much as a kiss on the cheek these days! All I can do is share my experience with you. I love myself, I stay active, and I know the problem is not me, this is "his stuff". For whatever reason, your partner/wife is going through something and I just give him the space he needs, love him and hope that he will connect with me again soon. Does it get lonely? F#$% yes! Does it hurt? Yes again! I am sorry, there is only so much one can do themselves! I just want to feel connected again. So it has been a month for you? And you continue to have sex once a month? Great! Keep working on it. Try something different perhaps?

Actually you are not. Most experts state you are in a sexless marriage if you have sex 10 times or less a year. Since you have sex 12 times a year you are year you are not it a sexless marriage. I am sure that does not give you any comfort but that is what the experts say.

Yes it is. Have you talked about it with your spouse? I dont know what to say to help you out.