Sexless and Frustrated

For a number of years my husband has had less and less desire for sex. He claims he finds me beautiful and still loves me, but he is not sexually attracted to me , In fact in therapy he said he has had no real desire for me for the past ten years. He also says he has not had sex outside of the marriage but I have found emails from women in the past that were beyond a platonic friendship. We have discussed the possiblity of divorce and have even seperated for a short stint but he returned home ready to make it work. We have kids and a good life. What we don't have is sex. I miss it and I don't feel right looking for it outside of my marriage. I still love him and am still turned on by him. But I get nasty when I'm horney. Self satisfaction just doesn't do it. I want to stay in this marriage. I want to find a way back to the sexlife we had in the first years of our marriage or at least a desire for it from him.
Milena Milena
46-50, F
4 Responses Aug 22, 2007

Oh Milena, I understand completely. I am in almost exactly the same situation. I too would like an explanation. I know he loves me, but no intimacy etc. is so hurtful. I have expressed this and asked questions to no avail. I have lost all self confidence and feel so rejected, by the person that claims to love me. Let me know how mixing it up works for you. I too would be afraid of further rejection. Good luck!

You said that you guys were in counseling and he said he is not sexually attracted to you. WHY? Didn't he give any reasons? So, now you are left to guess. That's not right or fair.<br />
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Your husband is obviously getting sexual satisfaction elsewhere (meaning the Internet). Personally, I think that's cheating. He should be getting satisfaction from YOU! My husband isn't interested in me either and he has an extensive history of doing sexual things on the Internet. What's up with these men?!?!? Why do they get married? <br />
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You deserve better than this. If I were you I'd sit him down and say that things have to change in this relationship or else. If he cares about you he will make an effort to satisfy you. If not, then don't live your life in a sexless marriage.

wow -- that hard to take --can you ask your husband What would like you to do to be sexually attractive to him --might be just simple stuff -- My wife wears purfume "not very often" -- If she did it would make me even more charged up (I think she knows that and that why she doesnt ??????)

I Have tried evey which way to make it interesting.He says it's him , not me. but when I've suggested getting help or viagra at least to get a jump start I get resistance. But I will try some of your suggestions and hope for the best At this point I'm so tired of being rejected I'm almost afraid to take a chance but it's better than not doing anything,<br />
Thanks